Holiday Heart
by Kadi219
Summary: Raydor/Flynn - The holidays can bring hope and peace. They can also bring changes. Takes place after 3x14 and references events of previous episodes. Sharon and Andy are realizing what was in front of them all along was just a little bit inevitable.
1. Chapter 1

**Holiday Heart**

**by Kadi**

**Rated: M**

**Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox, just my favorite place to play.

**A/N:** As always, special thank you to **deenikn8 **the awesome beta! Any mistakes found are all mine! For **kate04us**, **lontanissima**, and **sorynliv**, who wanted a little spice in the sugar. I did my best!

**Note:** Please heed the warning. There is no fade to black in Chapter 3.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Her head was on her desk when he entered her office. "Sharon?" The groan made him smile, but it was unlike her enough that he moved to the desk. He leaned over its front and spoke again. This time in a much softer voice. "Sharon?"

Her head lifted. She sighed. There was a small but rueful smile curving her lips. "I love my daughter but she can be entirely too much like me at times."

His brow arched. He remained where he was, leaning over the desk. "What happened?"

"Jack." One word, just a name, and the sigh that accompanied it held so much meaning. It conveyed her frustration and her discomfort. "She asked him to dinner. She couldn't stand the thought of his being alone at Christmas." Sharon clasped her hands against the top of her desk. "Never mind that his being alone is no one's fault but his own."

Andy chuckled. He shook his head as he leaned back. He lowered himself into the chair in front of her desk. "The difference is, you had no intention of inviting him to dinner."

"No." She smiled. "I really didn't. The very nice judge that finalized our divorce did a very good job of ensuring that I would never have to do that again." She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "Is it horribly selfish that I don't want to do it now?"

"Have a dinner where your dirtbag ex-husband is going to do everything in his power to make himself look like the injured and abandoned party, while also making you feel guilty about the fact that you finally cut his sorry ass loose?" Andy's head inclined. His lips pursed. He seemed to ponder it for a moment. Then he shrugged. "No, I can't think of a reason why you'd _want_ to do it. Frankly, if you did, I'd be a little worried. It would be taking the Catholic guilt a little too far, even for you."

"I can't exactly _not_ be there." Sharon had her hands clasped in her lap. Her shoulders were still slumped. She was thinking through the problem, trying to find a solution that would be equitable for all of them. She was coming up short. "I mean, it is my house, and Rusty is going to be there." Her lips turned down into a small pout. "It's the first year we've all been together, and now he's really mine." She spoke a bit plaintively, her voice hitching upward a bit. "Jack knows that. Of course he knows that. He has to know that. Oh that man." Her head lowered again, back onto the desk. That was a nice place for it, the cool surface felt good against the headache that was building. "This is all my fault," she moaned. The sound was muffled against her desk.

Andy looked heavenward. He shook his head and tried to suppress the urge to grin. Cue the catholic guilt. He drummed his fingers against the arm rests of his chair while the other hand lifted. He rubbed a finger against his top lip. There was very little that could reduce Sharon to this level. Her children were at the top of that list. Right below that was her ex-husband. This was a side of her that few people ever saw. She was just a woman who could still be rattled by the man she was married to for more than thirty years, even when twenty of it was spent in separation. A man who was honing in on the holiday she had been looking forward to for weeks. The closer they got to Christmas, the giddier that Sharon became. It was more than amusing to watch. It was downright adorable.

He didn't know that he wanted to tell her that, however. They weren't completely back to the same level of comfort they shared before Nicole's visit. Only a couple of weeks had passed. After that little misunderstanding, and Rusty's assumptions, oh yeah, and Sharon raking him over the coals for his part in it… well, they were working on it. They were still friends. He counted himself as damned lucky that Sharon was the understanding sort… and that she believed in second chances. He _was_ sorry. He never meant to let it get as far out of control as it had. He always meant to set the record straight. He didn't. That was on him.

Didn't change that they were both left with a lot to think about. That was something else that they were working on. As it turned out, somewhere along the way, they started spending more time together and less time with others. Andy never really thought about it before, it didn't seem odd to him that anytime someone told him to _bring a friend_ that Sharon was the first person he thought about. It never struck him as odd that when he saw a movie advertised he considered whether or not Sharon would want to see it with him. He liked spending time with her, what was so wrong with that?

Nothing at all, at least according to his daughter and Rusty. Nicole wasn't mad at him, she should be, but she wasn't. Now she thought he was a bumbling idiot that couldn't manage to ask the girl he liked out on a _real date_. Although, to hear Rusty tell it, they were having several real dates a month. Or so Sharon told him. She was so endearingly embarrassed about that. They hadn't talked about it again, though. They were falling back into familiar routines, and he could deal with that. He liked her. He thought that _maybe_ she liked him.

At their ages this shouldn't be so hard, and yet it was. They were both damaged. For different reasons and in different ways, but there was one thing that they agreed on.

No labels.

What they had worked for them. It was easy and comfortable, or at least it was before Sharon found out how big of an idiot he really was. It could be again. They only had to be patient. If things became more involved between them, then so be it. If not, well, they still enjoyed spending time together, and they were happy to do it.

He watched her now. Head still bent and resting against her desk. He leaned forward in his chair and let his elbows rest against his knees. Maybe he could help her recapture some of the magic of the holiday.

"You know," Andy began, "I hate to disagree with you." When she snorted at him, he grinned. "But I'm going to. The dirtbag, who shall remain nameless," she hummed and added another half-snort that had his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watched her, "knew that all he had to do was drop a tiny hint and he'd get the invite he was looking for. The thing is, the kids aren't jumping up and down to invite him anywhere, mainly because they have no reason to believe that he would want to be there or would even show up." He spoke from personal experience, even if the last few years had been better. A lot better. "Now, those kids, they're not going to be openly rude, mainly because their mom… this nice lady I know, happened to raise responsible, respectful adults." Her head lifted and her eyes were sparkling at him. A small smile was tugging at her lips. Andy continued before she could interrupt him. "Enough so that when Jack does finally poke his head out, they're not going to ignore him. Not even if they want to, because they were raised right." His lips pursed. Andy shook his head at her. "Yeah, okay, you were right to begin with. This is all your fault. How dare you." He gestured at her. "What? You couldn't raise self-involved, stuck up delinquents like a lot of the other parents in LA?"

Her lips pursed. Sharon's eyes were lit with amusement. "Okay." A warm smile curved her lips. "Point taken, Andy. Thank you." She paused. "I think." Sharon straightened in her chair. "I just wish that he could have chosen another occasion to decide to assert his paternal existence."

"You mean, besides your favorite holiday, and the first one with all three of your children under the same roof, which just so happens to be the first post divorce holiday?" Andy smirked at her. "Yeah, that's not happening. He's punishing you. In his own crappy and idiotic way. The best thing that you can do is not let him get his way." He shrugged at her. "You've been looking forward to this for a long time. Don't let Jack ruin it for you."

Her gaze dropped to her desk. Sharon's smile softened. She studied the desk calendar for a moment before she looked up at him again. "I thought he was going to remain nameless?" She asked in a quiet voice. Sharon looked away again. "I think I could stand it if I thought he was doing this because he really wants to see the kids. How sad is it that I know otherwise? Sadder still that they do too."

"There's another option," Andy pointed out, although his smile was tinged with sadness. "We could be wrong. He may actually want to see the kids. Divorcing Jack may have actually opened his eyes."

"I would like to believe that." She exhaled quietly. "The truth is, I very much doubt it." Sharon shook her head and sat straighter. "That is neither here nor there. It is what it is. Christmas should prove very interesting this year."

She was tucking it aside, sucking it up. Andy leaned back in his chair. He shook his head at that. She shouldn't have to. She should be allowed to have the holiday that she dreamed about with her kids. All three of them. Instead, Andy had a feeling that Jack would spend that time putting her on the spot, and trying to make Rusty feel like an outsider. He would try again to create a chasm between Rusty and Sharon's older children. Andy frowned. His fingers stroked his jaw while he considered all of it.

"Could you use a buffer?" He shrugged a single shoulder as he asked it. "You know, maybe to keep things from getting out of hand."

"Hm." Sharon smiled. "Actually, that's a wonderful idea." She paused as he began to grin. "But I don't need one that will be throwing punches at my ex-husband two minutes after he arrives. That would defeat the purpose." Sharon gave him a knowing look. "It's not much of a secret that the two of you are not on the best of terms lately." She shook her head at him. "I appreciate the offer, Andy, but I think—"

"Wait." He leaned forward again and held up a hand. "I'm being serious. Think about it, Sharon. The kids are going to be on pins and needles, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jack is going to be doing the best he can to make himself look good, put you in the negative, and wrap it all up in a little bow that is all Rusty's fault. That's one theory. The other is that he's going to do everything he can to try to give the appearance of a happy little family, and when you shatter that illusion, well, again, you will be the one to blame for that. The best thing that you can do is stop it before he even tries."

Her eyes narrowed. Sharon leaned forward against the desk. This had the potential to either be very good, or one of his insane schemes. Either way, he had her attention. She folded her hands together again. "Alright," she said carefully. "I'm listening. What do you have in mind?"

"Do it at my place." He rubbed his thumb against his forehead and shifted in his seat when her eyes widened. "Think about it for a second before you say no. The condo is familiar territory, and it puts you on your own turf, but it's also familiar turf for Jack. On top of that, you'll be limited on space. You're not going to have a lot of places to escape to. I've got the house, and it's not _that_ big, but it's big enough. If nothing else, Rusty's got the den that he can hide in when Jack gets to be too much for him." He grinned crookedly at her then. "On the plus side, it's my place. I can be a buffer and not fight with the old reprobate. He has no reason to question why I'm there, and if he gets on my nerves, I can ask him to leave."

"Two minutes after he gets there." Sharon leaned back in her chair. He managed to render her mostly speechless. Yes, it was indeed one of his insane ideas. The problem was, with the picture that he painted, she was imagining her condo overrun with people, and Rusty hiding in his room most of the day. She tried to imagine finding a place to escape to, even for a moment, and could clearly see herself being trapped on the balcony… with Jack. It was one of those scenarios where she wasn't sure if she would end up pushing him over or jumping. Sharon chewed on the corner of her bottom lip. Finally she shook her head. "Andy, I can't do that," she said softly. "You should spend the day with your family, not babysitting me and my ex-husband."

"I could." Andy shrugged again. "If they were going to be here. They're going north to see her in-laws. So you see…" He spread his hands wide. "It's do a good deed for a friend, or end up playing buffer for Provenza and the ex… whichever one drew the short straw this year."

She laughed at the devious gleam in his eyes. "That was horrible. You should be ashamed." Sharon folded her arms over her chest. "You call yourself his friend."

"I am his friend." Andy grinned. "That's how I know they draw straws to see who gets him every year. I'm begging you, Sharon… please, don't make me do it again. If he asks, I'll have to say yes, and if I say yes, I'm going to spend all day keeping his ex-wife from strangling him. Don't do this to me." He placed his hand against his heart. "If you care about my wellbeing at all, you will let me host you guys for Christmas." He trailed off and then added, far more genuinely, "besides, consider it a thank you. You've done more than enough for me and my family, and… well, maybe even consider it an apology too. For, you know…" He shrugged awkwardly and looked away.

"Andy you don't have to thank me." She spoke quietly, gently. "As to the other…" Her cheeks colored and she looked down. "We've already discussed it. It's in the past as far as I am concerned. I don't know Andy…" She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth while she studied him. After a moment, her gaze dropped to her desk. "It would be nice to put things back on my terms, but at the same time, I don't want to give everyone the wrong idea."

"You mean the wrong idea that they've already got?" Andy didn't immediately look at her again. He hesitated before lifting his gaze. "Come on, Sharon. Rusty has already spoken to the other two, Ricky at the very least. Jack has been taking pot shots at us for a while now. It doesn't have to mean anything. They're going to think what they want to think. It doesn't matter what we say or do, or what is really going on. Hell, are we really going to have to second guess everything that we do from now on?"

She drew her hands back into her lap and studied the surface of her desk again. "Andy…" She sighed softly. It was a fair question, she couldn't fault him on that. It was exactly what she had done, and had been doing, since the night of the ballet. Even when she said that they should just avoid applying any labels to their relationship, she was doing exactly that. Her gaze dropped even further and Sharon looked at her hands, clasped now in her lap. She picked at her nails. "I would like to think that we could just… be who we are without considering what others think about it. I never realized that anyone would see us as anything more than friends. Or that…" She looked up at him again, suddenly uncertain, "that it would leave us questioning it too?"

He met her gaze. Andy thought about it for a moment. "No." He shook his head slowly. "No, I don't question us. I know who we are. I'm good with _where_ we are. Mainly…" A corner of his mouth quirked upward toward a smile. "I'm just glad that you aren't running away from me anymore."

"Hm." She looked down again, smiling in spite of her uncertainty. "That might have been a little mean." Sharon shrugged. "You deserved it."

"I did." Andy pushed out of his chair. "Look, think about what I said. I'll be around, okay? I'm here if you need me."

Sharon was beginning to wonder if that was a line that he was using on her. It worked, every time, and surely he had to know it, right? Warmth filled her and she smiled affectionately at him. "I'll think about it," she promised. "I'll let you know."

"Okay." He nodded once, he opened his mouth to say more and thought better of it. Instead, Andy showed himself out of her office.

She watched him go. Once she was alone again, she leaned forward and let her forehead rest against the desk again. Sharon groaned. Why was it that, insane as his invitation was, it made her heart flutter and her stomach dance with excitement and anticipation. Just the idea of it brought back some of the holiday magic that Jack's invitation to dinner had chased away. Why did life have to be so complicated?

Why couldn't they go back to being Sharon and Andy, two people so blissfully unaware of the world around them and completely happy to remain that way? No, of course they couldn't go back to that. It was much too late. If she were honest about it, the clock had already been ticking toward this situation, even without Nicole's visit and the reveal of her year long assumptions.

Sharon was tempted to skip Christmas this year. Jump straight to the new year and leave it all behind her. Only there was one little problem with that. She wanted her holiday with her children, and now… now she wanted her holiday with Andy too. He planted the idea in her head and it was taking root in her heart.

It was official. The men in her life were making her crazy.

"I should have listened to my father," she moaned. "I could have been a nun…"

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

It was mocking him. The thin, narrow box that sat on his bar. Andy stared at it. He stood in his kitchen, a glass of cranberry and soda in his hand. It was tastefully wrapped, in it's shining blue paper with pretty little silver snow flakes. Even the silver bow was perfectly adorned. He had the salesclerk wrap it for him when he bought it. That happened weeks ago, before Nicole's visit, and now it was just a reminder of how big a fool he was.

He was shopping for the kids when he saw it. The minute he laid eyes on it, Andy knew that Sharon had to have it. He bought it without thinking, and if that wasn't enough, he'd had it engraved. So now he couldn't exactly take it back, but he couldn't give it to her either. Not now. Not when there was so much up in the air between them. Not when it was no longer a simple gift between friends.

It held an entirely new meaning now, and when he thought back on it, it held the same meaning when he bought it. He just didn't realize it. Or if he did, he had it buried so deep that it took his daughter to wring it out of him. Now he didn't know what he would do with it. Toss it into the back of his closet, maybe. Try to forget it. Perhaps he would even save it for another time, another occasion. Whatever he did, Andy couldn't bring himself to touch it again.

So he stared at it instead, and it mocked him with its very existence.

The knock on his door was his only reprieve. He wasn't expecting any visitors, but it pulled him out of his kitchen, and out of sight, he could pretend that it no longer existed. At least until he was alone again, to be once again taunted by a gift that could never be given.

Andy set his glass on a counter as he strode through the house. It wasn't a large structure, as he'd told Sharon. It was a split-level ranch that he bought at auction years before, back when he still had hope that someday he might be that dad whose kids visited him on the weekends. He thought about selling it a number of times, as that never really worked out for him, but he couldn't part with it. The hope of it, rather than the house, that was what he had held on to. So here he was, in a not overly large three bedroom home, with two levels, an old man with nothing to show for himself but a couple of sparsely decorated spare rooms, a formal dining room that had never been used, and a den that he sometimes liked to call his office. At least, he did when he paid bills there. The rest of the time he hardly used more than the living room, kitchen, and his own bed and bath. Oh, and the laundry room. He used that. If he hadn't gotten it so damned cheap, Andy never would have bought it at all.

Truth was, it was seized in a drug raid. Best damned thing he ever got out of Narcotics. Or it would have been, if he wasn't so alone. Now, with his relationship with Nicole improving, the hope was back. He thought maybe the spare rooms would be good for her boys, and any other grandkids that came along. He was even thinking about tossing a swing set out in the back yard.

Andy was thinking about a lot of things, but only time would tell if any of them would ever happen or not. He was a bit of a pessimist when it came to his own life, or at least he used to be. There was a brief period of time, most recently, when he started to think it couldn't be half bad. Now he was back to taking everything with a grain of salt.

The blue and silver wrapped gift on his bar was enough to remind him to not get excited about anything.

He pulled the door open and started a bit. He was expecting Provenza. That was usually how his luck went. Andy didn't know what to think about finding Sharon on the other side of his door. He stared at her. She looked casual and comfortable in her jeans and cream colored sweater. This was not an official visit at least. He stepped back a bit and pulled the door wider. All without saying a word.

Andy shook his head as she stepped into his house. He studied her, fidgeting in front of him, toying with the cuffs of her camel colored leather jacket. Finally he shoved his hands into his pockets and tilted his head at her. "Sharon?"

She was beginning to think that coming there was a bad idea, but she refused to lose her resolve. Sharon saw the confusion written clearly across his face. The way that they had left things in her office the day before, she knew that he hadn't expected to see her again before the end of their holiday leave. When she said goodbye to him later that afternoon, she was barely able to look at him. It was no fault of his. It was her own mind playing with ideas that it shouldn't. Ideas that everyone else in their lives seemed to have already accepted. So why then was she running from them?

_Jack_. He was the reason behind a lot of things in her life. She knew exactly why she was hiding from Andy, why she was so reluctant to believe that they could be more than friends. Why she couldn't see what was right in front of her as it developed. She wasn't afraid of opening her heart, but she was reluctant. They were so very alike, these two men. They were also very different. It was those differences which drew her to Andy. The same differences which sent her running from Jack.

It wasn't fair. That was the thought that Sharon finally arrived at earlier that day. _She_ wasn't being fair. She asked him not to put labels on them. She asked him to be patient. _He_ never asked anything of her in return. Not in so many ways. Yes, he could be a complete and total idiot, specifically when it came to personal relationships, but when Sharon got down to the heart of it all, she didn't feel manipulated with him. That was a feeling that she knew all too well. Jack had manipulated her a number of times over the years, just as he was attempting to manipulate her and the children now.

However Andy might have used her recently, it wasn't out of malice. She still believed that. The man couldn't hide from her. He could try, but it was there in his eyes. In that damned sheepish, almost boyish grin of his. She had already forgiven him for it. Underneath it all, she still believed that he was a good man, a good father. He only needed the opportunity to see it for himself. He was trying. That was more than she could say for Jack.

Her ex-husband asked her to speak to their daughter on his behalf. Andy used her, however unintentionally, so that he could speak to his daughter on his own behalf. That was a huge difference as far as she was concerned.

At some point during her very long separation from Jack she closed that part of her heart. It seemed the safest option. Now it was time to open it again, but she had to tread carefully. Sharon didn't want to lose the friendship that they'd built during the past year. She didn't want to jeopardize their careers, and she certainly didn't want this effecting the rest of the team.

Then Rusty pointed out something she hadn't thought about. They had been seeing each other for a year and it hadn't effected anyone yet. Well, no one but the constantly cantankerous Lieutenant Provenza. He objected on principle. Sharon was wondering if they could work around that. That was… if she wasn't completely off-base and out of her mind for thinking about it at all.

She took a breath and let it out slowly. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah." Andy jerked his head back toward the living room. "Come on in." He led the way, reminded that she had never been there before. "Um… can I get you something? Coffee? There's soda I think." She seemed pensive. Andy didn't want to think about what that meant.

"Coffee would be wonderful," she told him. Sharon rubbed her hands together as she followed him. She shrugged out of her jacket as they reached his living room and draped it over the back of the sofa. Then she followed him into the kitchen. She didn't want to linger. She was worried she would change her mind if she did. "I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced. I told you that I would think about your offer."

"Oh, yeah…" He played it off as nonchalant. As if he hadn't even thought about it again. He had. Andy had been kicking himself ever since. He was no better than Jack, really, putting her on the spot like that. Andy glanced at her as he moved to the coffee maker. He took a package of a rich, dark roast out of the fridge and started setting the thing up to brew. "So what did you decide to do?"

"I think it depends." Sharon leaned against the bar. "That's why I wanted to talk to you." She looked at her hands. "Andy, I think I made a mistake." Her nail traced the pattern of the dark granite surface. "I should never have asked you to just… well, basically forget about the things that Nicole and Rusty brought up a few weeks ago. Now I'm realizing that it wasn't very kind either."

He stopped where he was for a moment. His finger was poised over the coffee maker's start button. Andy's jaw clenched. He shook his head and pressed it. When he turned, he found her looking down. There was a sadness in her face that made him sigh. He walked over and leaned against the bar opposite her. "You know, Sharon, you're taking a lot on yourself these days. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was happy to not think about it again?" He shrugged. "I don't understand why it has to be a thing. We like hanging out. It doesn't have to be more than that."

"What if it already is?" Sharon shifted where she stood and looked up at him. "Andy, whatever we're doing, I think it stopped being a simple case of _hanging out_ a while ago. If not, then why are we both feeling so awkward about it? I have other male friends, and I've never felt odd about the amount of time that I spend with them, and yes, I'm talking about others _besides _Gavin." She looked down again, this time she sighed. "My children all have a very high opinion of me, or they're very happy living in the dark, but I can tell you that I didn't spend twenty years worth of legal separation living a completely _lonely_ life." Her cheeks colored as she spoke, but it was worth putting out there. "I've never felt awkward about that either. Suddenly, instead of being able to laugh about all of the assumptions that are being tossed our way, with the person who is, lately, quite probably my best friend, all that I want to do is hide from it and there has to be a reason for that." Sharon closed her eyes, because if she didn't get it all out, she wouldn't. "I don't think that has anything at all to do with you or I, but everything to do with _us_. While you are so beautifully, wonderfully capable of playing dumb, you aren't an idiot, Andy. I think you know all of this too."

He stared at the top of her head. When she looked up at him, finally, he saw the emotions at play in her eyes. There was sadness and confusion, but he thought he saw a little bit of hope too. There was something else there, too. Something he couldn't quite define. Something that he felt echo through him, causing his heart to beat a little faster. Andy gripped the edge of the granite counter. What could he tell her? What could he say that could make this situation better for both of them. Why did it have to be hard? Or maybe the fact that it _was_ hard was the point. Was that what she was saying to him? The difficulty they were both having with this situation had to have some other basis than their embarrassment and a need to get back to the way that things were before.

_Before_.

Andy's gaze was drawn to the blue and silver wrapped package. If they went back to the way things used to be between them, then the only thing they were really wiping away was their inability to see it. "Yeah," he said roughly. "I think maybe I do." His hand snaked out and he slid the package over. He pushed it toward her. "I got this a while ago. Before the whole, damned, ballet thing. I've been trying to figure out why. I couldn't take it back, and I wasn't going to give it to you. Not now. I don't know, you could be right. There's a possibility we both know what is going on, and why we can't just say it and be done with it…" Andy shrugged. "I don't know. Hell, that's a lie." Andy ran a hand through his hair. "I've thought about it. Of course I have. Dammit, no man in his right mind could look at you and _not_ think about it, Sharon. I'm not blind, but you're you, and I'm me, and it was never going to happen. I know that. If that's what you're worried about—"

"It's not." She lifted the box and turned it over in her hand. It was small and narrow, and the shape, well it was a bit telling. That he came to some realization that maybe she shouldn't have it… well, that confirmed her suspicions. He bought it, though, even having already realized that he would _like_ to be with her and couldn't, he still got it for her. Then he put all of that aside and became the friend that she needed him to be. That both of them needed, if they were honest. "I've never had cause to question your motives. I'm not questioning them now," she told him. "I think I'd like to hear why you thought it _would never happen_," She asked gently. Sharon looked up at him through her lashes and offered a small smile. "Am I so unattainable?"

"No." He barked a short laugh. Andy looked down at her, then at the surface of the bar. "Sharon, I'm not going to kid either one of us here. I'm just a broken down old drunk. I'm really no better than—"

"Don't." She reached out and covered his hand with hers. "Don't say that." Sharon shook her head at him. "Andy, I've never thought that. I have certainly never compared you to Jack, at least not in the way that you're comparing yourself. _Andy_." His name left her lips on a sigh. "When I see you, I see what could have been. He never tried. You try every day. Even when you don't succeed, and even when you make mistakes, or are at your most charmingly idiotic, I know that you're trying to be better than you were. Your past is… well, it's past. It's who you are _now_ that matters to me."

His eyes lowered to their hands. He turned his over beneath hers and let his fingers curl around the thin, delicate digits. It blew his mind, the way that she viewed him. More than that, it blew his mind that he had once thought her cold. He couldn't recall, in recent memory, having met a warmer woman. Or one so capable of caring for those around her. It was just a matter of getting past her armor to the heart beneath. "Before I go out on an even bigger limb," Andy said quietly, voice rumbling in the silent kitchen, "I think maybe that you should open that." He heard the click of the coffee maker, and as much as he hated the idea, he pulled away from her. Andy turned and walked back to it. He couldn't watch her open it, not with what he thought might be on the table in front of them right now. There was a world of possibility there, but it could also be a door that could be slammed firmly closed. He busied himself with taking down two mugs and filling both of them with the dark, fragrant liquid.

Sharon watched his back for a moment. She held the gentle weight of the gift in her hands. Her eyes lowered and she drew a thin breath. She let it out slowly and hesitated, only for a moment, before she slipped her thumb nail along the seam of the paper. She folded the paper carefully back and found a narrow, velvet box within. Sharon drew the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth. She turned it around in her hands a few times and even glanced at Andy before finally she opened it.

"_Oh_."

All of the air left her lungs in a rush. Nestled inside a bed of soft material was a gleaming chain of platinum. Sharon lifted it out of the box. A heart-shaped, sideways pendant dangled from it. At the center, was a single, sparkling amethyst. The pendant gleamed in smooth platinum to one side of the heart, the other was lined with glittering diamonds. She fingered it carefully, and as she turned it over in her hand, she realized why he couldn't take it back. He'd had it engraved. Moisture filled her eyes as she read it. It took both sides of the heart to make the inscription whole.

_With you I found peace_

The amethyst, a beautiful purple jewel, but once believed by healers to bring peace and positive healing to all that wore it.

Sharon clasped the necklace in her hand and closed her eyes. There was a wealth of emotion in those words. She let it sweep over her. It startled her, the warmth that accompanied it. She forced her eyes open again and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she rounded the bar. She stepped into the kitchen and studied him. He stood with his back to her, and by now he'd had plenty of time to pour their coffee. He was leaning against the counter, hands braced against its edge. "Andy." Her voice hitched, thick and low with emotion. When he didn't turn, she walked slowly toward him.

He could feel the tremble in her fingers when she lay them against his back. His eyes were closed. Andy took a deep breath. He straightened and slowly turned. "I saw it and thought of you," he explained. "I didn't really think beyond the moment. What's new, right?" He shook his head, looked away. "It wasn't until after the ballet that I realized how it might look. What it might mean. It's true, but it doesn't have to mean anything. It can just…"

The tips of her fingers settled against his jaw. She drew his gaze to hers. "Or it could mean everything." Her brows lifted in askance as she studied him. Sharon drew her bottom lip between her teeth again and shook her head. "Did everyone see it but us? Or did we simply deny the obvious because we're both reluctant to lose what we have _now_ in favor of something that…" She shrugged, unable to really find the words for it. "You mean a lot to me," Sharon said quietly. "More, I think, than I imagined or intended." Her gaze lowered to the necklace still clasped in her hand. Her fingers opened and she studied it. "So did I," she whispered, "and I don't want to lose that."

Andy reached for the necklace. He lifted it out of her hand. It dangled in front of them for a moment, gleaming in the overhead lights. The jewels sparkled in the light. He was careful as he opened the clasp. Andy took a step closer to her. His hands slipped beneath her hair. His eyes never left hers as he fastened it around her neck. He watched them darken, felt the tremor that ran through her. After the necklace fell into place around her neck, his hands moved into her hair. He cupped her head, tipped it back. His thumbs stroked the line of her jaw, the curves of her cheeks. Finally, one of them swept her reddened, full bottom lip. When she drew a breath, thin and shuddering and her gaze dropped, just for a moment, Andy felt an answering tremor move through him.

"I've screwed up every relationship I've ever had," he said quietly. "I almost screwed up this one. I don't want to lose you."

Her hands lifted. They circled his wrists. Her thumbs stroked gently, the smooth skin beneath the gold chain that he wore on his right. Her heart pounded out a hard, fast rhythm within her chest. She moved closer to him, and realized as she did, that it was excitement dancing in her stomach, rather than anxiety. If her breath came in quick, nervous puffs, but it was anticipation driving the currents running through her at present. She wanted him to kiss her. It was something she thought about before. Of course she had, she wasn't a fool. He was an attractive man. He was funny and kind. He was good to her, and more than anything else, it wasn't only friendship that she felt for him. She didn't know when that shift came, but it had. Now they could walk away from it, or they could embrace it.

Sharon lifted toward him, slowly, and without allowing her gaze to waver. "You aren't going to lose me." That wasn't necessarily true, life was finite. But in that moment, in the way that he meant, she wasn't going anywhere. "I was wrong," she murmured, "we can't go back. Andy, I don't want to."

His head bent. They hovered there for a moment. This close to her, he could see the gold flecks that lit her eyes, that always seems to make the green shine a little brighter. When he thought of this moment, he couldn't imagine what it would really feel like to have her this close to him. He swallowed hard, past a suddenly dry throat. His eyes closed as he inhaled. He could smell the faint gardenia scent of her shampoo, and the way it mingled with the softly scented perfume that she wore. His nose nuzzled her cheek. Andy felt her lips curve as his brushed against them. It lingered there, barely a caress at all. When she hummed, and moved against him, increasing the pressure of the kiss, Andy let his hands drop. His arms wrapped around her and he gathered her close.

His mouth angled over hers, even as her arms slid around his waist. Her hands slid up his back to grip the backs of his shoulders. Sharon melted against him. A soft, low sound rumbled in her throat at the first brush of his tongue against her bottom lip. Heat moved through her. As the kiss slowly deepened, unhurried and lingering, her hands wandered the length of his back. When at last they broke apart, she turned her face into his neck, while he continued to hold her. This was what she worried would come between them. Instead, it was heat and emotion, hope, and possibility. When she felt his hands slide into her hair again, Sharon tipped her head back. She looked up at him, lips swollen and eyes lidded. She saw the question in his dark eyes. Her lips curved slowly upward into a soft smile. She tipped her face toward him and let her lips brush his again, gently, softly. "Hi," she whispered. They had spent countless hours together, evenings and afternoons, and oddly, she felt as if she had finally found him.

"Hi." His thumb stroked the curve of her lips again. He smiled down at her. His dark eyes sparkled. His head lowered again, this time so that their foreheads touched. "How about that coffee?"

She laughed, the sound low and lilting. "That might be a good idea." Sharon didn't immediately move away from him, though. She stepped closer, tucked herself against his chest and turned her face into his neck again. She inhaled deeply, let it move through her. A sense of peace settled over her again, as though this was exactly where they had always meant to end up, and all they had needed was time. She smiled as that thought occurred to her. They were not oblivious. They were not hiding. They were simply finding their own way. It felt good. It felt right.

"Yeah." His hands moved slowly up and down her back. "So we should do that." Andy turned his lips into her hair. "Sharon, I'm serious."

She lifted her head and looked at him. The intensity in his gaze sent a spark of excitement coursing through her. "Really?" Her brows lifted. Her lips curved into a small, teasing smile.

His jaw clenched. "If I don't get my hands off you for a while, I'm not going to be able to. That's not what you want right now." He wanted her, had for a while, but didn't want to push her too far, too fast.

"Hm." She hummed quietly. She told him that she had not lived the life of a nun, and she meant it. "And what if I don't want your hands off me?" There was a challenge in her gaze. Sharon took a step back and let her gaze sweep over him. Sharon took his hand and gave it a tug as she turned. When he didn't immediately budge, she cast a look at him over her shoulder. "Andy, I'm sure."

It was all that he needed, to know that this wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to weeks of questions and uncertainty. He pulled her back to him. His other arm slid around her waist, while their hands remained joined. His mouth caught hers again, the kiss far more insistent, with none of the sweet and lingering heat of earlier. He walked her backwards, while their mouths were still joined, out of his kitchen and toward the stairs that led to the second level of the house. Only there did they part, breaths mingled, eyes alight with need and desire. With her hand still clasped tightly in his, they started up the stairs.

She leaned into his side as they went. They were making a conscious choice, one not entirely buried in need and want. That was there, certainly, thrumming between both of them. There was an air of anticipation on the air, heated and electric. Her shoulder bumped against his as they topped the stairs. He looked down at her, eyes dark, and found the answering spark in her gaze. His thumb brushed the top of her hand as he drew her with him. His hands itched to touch her.

A smile. It curved her lips when they reached his room. They hesitated there, just for a moment. They were crossing a line. She stepped over it first, backed into his room and gave his hand a gentle tug. Andy stepped inside and pushed the door closed behind him. He was closing out the world. Now it was just them, the two of them, just as it had been since the start. They had been left to question who and what they were. The answer was simple. It was just Sharon and Andy, and a relationship that was only theirs to understand or define.

Some time later, only a single lamp lit the room. In the soft light, the smooth paleness of her skin seemed to glow. She lay on her stomach beside him, arms folded beneath her and a sheet bunched around her hips. The rest of the bedding had been lost to the floor. The hour had grown late. Or early, as the case may be. They had talked, and they had laughed, and now they lay watching one another. She smiled when his hand moved slowly upward, tracing the curve of her spine. The leg that was curled around his slid higher. When her knee brushed against him, drawing a hiss, she smirked.

His hand moved higher, beneath the curtain of her hair. His fingers traced the chain of the necklace. He hated to break the silence that settled over them. It was comfortable, serene. They had talked about a number of things already. How this relationship began, where it was going. They decided that they had not missed the obvious. They were simply content in one another. When provoked to thoughts of their current state, and left to analyze previous encounters and feelings, they thought that they might have arrived here on their own. They had already known that they held the other as important, there was simply no rush to catalogue those feelings. Not until they were pointed out by others.

That was the source of their discomfiture. They were not ready to acknowledge what lay before them. Now that they had, it seemed only natural to continue moving forward. Laying with Sharon in his bed might have been awkward, only their relationship seemed to make that leap before their minds, and while he lay holding her in those first moments, he was struck with how natural it felt.

That was a few hours ago.

Now he lay, head propped in his hand, quietly watching.

"When do the kids arrive?" In the quiet of the room, his voice was thick and deep.

Sharon hummed. She turned her face further into the pillow and let her eyes close. "Emily's flight will get here at noon. Ricky is arriving at two. She will have time to get a rental and pick up her bags before his flight arrives. With traffic, they should reach the condo between four and five. We'll have dinner, and then we'll discuss the subject of Christmas." Sharon sighed at the thought. "We have a couple of days to figure something out. It won't be an issue. Jack will be Jack and I will ignore him."

"Hm." Andy leaned over and pushed her hair aside. His lips brushed her shoulder. "So then, what time can I expect you here?" His lips curved against her skin.

She laughed. "It would serve you right if I agreed." Sharon opened her eyes and looked at him. "No, I can't. I won't run from Jack."

"You wouldn't be." He pushed her onto her back and settled over her. "Think of it as… renting another venue." His eyes sparkled. He grinned crookedly down at her. "I fully intend to exact payment." Her laugh, low and throaty, had him brushing his lips against her upturned mouth. "Seriously, Sharon, I mean it. There's room enough here for your lot. It's dinner. That's all. Maybe not in a neutral location, but in a modestly spacious one at least."

"Jack will do his very best to start a fight," Sharon warned. "He's going to pick up on this. I don't think that I can hide it, nor do I want to." They could be discreet, even respectful, but she wouldn't pretend that he wasn't important to her. "The kids will have their own to say about the situation. Christmas could very well turn into the Raydor Inquisition."

"Let it." Andy settled in beside her. "It's just a dinner. That's all we really need to know about it."

"Okay." Sharon shook her head. She laughed again. "I may regret this, but we'll do Christmas here." She shifted and settled beneath him. His head lowered, lips soft against her neck. Her hands moved into his hair. "It's going to be awkward."

"Yes." His lips brushed the soft skin beneath her ear. His hand moved lower, to slide along her thigh as her leg lifted to curl around him. He stroked the smooth skin, from her hip to her knee and back again. He was delighting in the feel of her, much as he had been since they crossed this threshold earlier. Free now to touch her, he found that he couldn't stop.

Sharon hummed quietly as his tongue traced the line of her collar bone. Her neck arched. Her eyes closed while her fingers combed through his hair. Her nails raked gently against his scalp. Another soft sigh left her lips when his other hand settled against her waist and moved slowly upward. The physical intimacy came so easily now, it seemed to have been all that they were missing previously.

They were already intimate. That was a point that they discussed earlier. There was so much more to being intimate with another person than sex. They already crossed those boundaries. Emotion and thought. It seemed inevitable now that they would take that final step, it had been hovering there, just out of their grasp. Now they had, and their relationship didn't feel as though it had changed much at all. She already cared deeply for him, now she was simply more aware of it.

When his hand settled against her ribcage, thumb teasing the underside of her breast, she exhaled quietly. There was a soft moan on her lips to encourage him. Her foot stroked the back of his thigh.

"You're probably going to lose your temper," she said, voice hitching when his tongue swept the hollow of her throat.

"Oh yeah." He lifted his head and looked up at her. His eyes gleamed. "He's going to drive me batshit crazy and at some point, I'm going to definitely want to put my fist in his face. Nothing new about that." Andy lifted his hands and brushed her hair away from her face. His thumbs stroked her cheeks. "I promise, absolutely, to beat the holy hell out of him if he upsets either one of you." Jack would be on his best behavior with their kids. It would be Sharon and Rusty that would be the target of his attitude, the manipulations. He was going to pick at the kid, and he would poke at Sharon. He would try to make her feel like less than a woman, less of a mother. With Rusty he would make him feel like a stranger, an outsider. Andy had his number.

Sharon laughed at his earnest expression. He would do it, too, if only she would let him. "No, you will not." Her hands moved to his shoulders. She stroked them and down his arms. "We will be on our best behavior. If Jack ends up feeling uncomfortable, well… he should have considered spending the holiday elsewhere. Or hosting the kids at his place for part of the day."

There was a devious gleam in her eyes. Andy knew that look. It was playful, but filled with promise, even determination. It was a glimmer of the woman inside the Darth. She was going to find a way to enjoy herself, this holiday, despite the discomfort of having her ex-husband present. She was going to enjoy her children, and attempt to forget his existence. Andy laughed, a low rumbling sound. "So then," his mouth quirked toward a crooked grin, "What time can I expect you for dinner?"

Her lips pursed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they rolled across the bed. Sharon settled atop him, the length of her body stretched along his. "Maybe," She began, even as he swept her hair back, out of their way, "I should come over a little early. You're providing the location. I'm not going to let you do everything."

Of course she wasn't. Sharon was taking control of her holiday. The sparkle was back in her eyes as she thought about it. He drew her down, caught her upturned mouth in a light kiss that slowly deepened. Whatever she had planned, he thought, it was going to be a hell of a day. Andy decided, as she settled over him, they could talk about it later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Holiday Heart**

**by Kadi**

**Rated: M**

**Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox, just my favorite place to play.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

The sun was already up when Sharon finally crept quietly into her apartment. She lay her purse and keys on the table near the door, and carefully eased open the hall closet to slide her jacket inside. The hour was still early and she had some hope that Rusty would still be in bed, enjoying the lack of anything to do before his college classes started in a couple of weeks. She intended to be home hours ago. Actually, her intent had been to only be gone as long as it took to clear up the situation with Andy.

They had cleared it up alright.

That was exactly why she was sneaking in well after sunrise and trying her best to not be heard. Still, a smile tugged at her lips as she stooped to pull at her boots so that the heels would not be heard in the hall. Sharon slipped them off while she replayed the events of the night and the morning. They finally slept at some point after midnight. That was not her intention, she planned to drive home. He wouldn't let her. He tucked her against him instead. He was warm and he was solid, and they were tired. So they dozed, for only a few hours, and then he caught her as she was trying to sneak out.

She was only half dressed when his arms snaked around her from behind. He pulled her back to the bed. They lay there, while the sun was rising, and watched the play of light as it chased away the shadows that hid in the blue and gray of early morning. There was little to discuss. They had said all they needed to the night before. She was not sneaking away from him, but rather, attempting to get home before Rusty realized that she had been gone all night. Those were not questions that she was ready to answer just yet.

Even still, as ever present as that thought was in her mind, she wasn't quite ready to leave yet. When he offered to make her breakfast, she let him. It was how she came to spend the last couple of hours in his presence, standing in his kitchen, tucked against his side, doing very little eating and quite a lot of other things.

"It's called the walk of shame for a reason." A voice cut into her thoughts. "I don't think you're supposed to be smiling like that."

Sharon looked up, eyes wide, and found Rusty seated at the table, a bowl of cereal in front of him. "Ah…" At a loss for what to say, exactly, she placed her boots aside and straightened. She swept a hand down over her sweater and jeans, smoothing out the wrinkles that must surely be showing. Her clothes hadn't exactly ended up neatly folded during the night. Sharon walked toward him. She stopped at the table and let her hands rest against the back of one of the dining chairs. "You're up early." It was a safe enough comment at least, and while her cheeks colored, she stared hard at him. There were parts of her life that she would not discuss, even with him. Especially with him.

"Sharon, it's almost nine." Rusty grinned at her. His eyes sparkled knowingly. She was wrinkled and a little mussed. Her hair was flat, tucked behind her ear, and it didn't matter how she was looking at him. She was wringing her fingers together a little guiltily. He picked up on that habit a long time ago, the way she would pick at her nails when she was nervous or bothered by something. Rusty's brows lifted. "Everything okay now? You seemed a little…" He wasn't sure how to describe it. His head tilted back and forth. "You know, bothered last night." She wasn't exactly upset, but she was pensive and lost in her own thoughts, hardly there at all. Then suddenly she announced that she was going out. She said that she would be back in a couple of hours. Rusty decided it was probably in his best interests _not_ to comment on that.

"Everything is fine." His brow arched. She watched him look down at his cereal. He shoveled a spoonful into his mouth and she sighed. He was looking at her now, curious and knowing, and too damned amused about all of it. There was concern enough there, too, that she pulled at the chair in front of her. Sharon sat across from him and folded her hands in front of her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be gone so long. The situation has been resolved." She watched him look up at her, saw the gleam in his eyes. His mouth opened and then he obviously thought better of what he was about to say. Sharon rolled her eyes. "Rusty, some relationships are complicated. Others only become complicated because we make them that way." She looked at her hands. "The situation that arose just prior to the ballet, it… well, it complicated things that shouldn't be. It made something precious and simple awkward when it didn't need to be. Do you understand?"

She looked up at him, eyes gleaming at him through her lashes, concerned and beseeching. She was begging him to understand as much as she was asking him not to push too hard for answers that she was not prepared to give. Rusty understood that, but there was something else that he needed to know. Mainly that she was okay. She worried about him all of the time, but that kind of went both ways, even if she didn't want it to. "So…" He placed his spoon back in the bowl and studied her closely. "You really are just friends? You're really not dating?"

Sharon looked down again. A smile tugged at her lips. She could no more stop it than she could stop the warmth and flutter of her heart, or the way that emotion filled her at the thought of him. She thought of the way he kissed her this morning, standing beside her car. His hands gentle in her hair, his lips soft, a promise in his gaze that he would see her soon. They both had a couple of busy days ahead of them. Her children were arriving, and he was going to see his before Nicole went north with her husband and the boys to see her in-laws. She chewed on the corner of her lip while her mind wandered a bit. It was shaping up as though they might not see each other again until Christmas Day. The sound of Rusty shifting in his seat drew her back. Sharon looked at him. Her smile softened, warmed.

"I wouldn't call it _dating_." She folded her arms and leaned against the table. "I think we may both be a little old for that. We're still friends. If you're asking me if we're _just_ friends, then the answer is no. We were never only just friends. If you're asking me if we're together, then the answer is yes. What that means, I don't exactly know yet." She shrugged and smiled as she watched him. "Andy is important to me, and has been for a little while now. I know you think we were completely unaware of everything, Rusty, and perhaps in a way we were. The thing is, relationships are always changing. They're always evolving. My relationship with Andy might change again, I don't know. What I _do_ know is that I am not going to discuss it with my children. The only thing that the three of you need to be aware of is that he is an important part of my life, and I would appreciate some respect and censure where he is concerned." Sharon pushed out of her chair with a smile. "Do pass that along to your brother and sister, will you? Just as I'm sure you have already passed along the nature of my very amusing attempts at _dating_.

The smile, it was good to see. He felt relieved. She had been a little weird since the ballet. Rusty was glad to see that fading away. Just as much as she didn't want to discuss it, he really didn't want to know all the details either. He was good with just knowing that she had things figure out, more or less. He was still living in the middle of all this, and it could be a very amusing place to be. It could also be weird and awkward. For the moment, Rusty was going with amusing. "So…" He watched her walk toward the hall. When she stopped again and turned, his head inclined. "Then maybe Ricky and I need to sit down with him. You know, find out what his intentions are." He had to press his lips together to keep from laughing outright. Rusty bit the inside of her lip when her eyes narrowed.

"Hm." Sharon thought about that. She flipped her hair over one shoulder and shrugged. "Go ahead." She turned and started toward the hall again. She stopped to pick up her boots. "You and Ricky are more than happy to have any conversation with Andy that you feel is necessary." Sharon stopped as she reached the hall and looked back, a brow raised. "Just keep in mind, this isn't Jack. He isn't going to trade a few snarking comments and then runaway with his tail tucked between his legs. If you two get in trouble with Andy, then you are on your own. I am not bailing you out." She nodded once and turned on her heel to stride away.

Rusty thought about that. He shook his head and laughed. Oh yeah, not a guy he wanted to tangle with, for sure. He leaned sideways in his chair and gazed down the hall. When he didn't see Sharon, he dug his phone out of his pocket. Emily was already in the air, but Ricky only had a short flight down from San Francisco. Rusty doubted that he was even at the airport yet. He sent a quick text. "_The ever so lonely heart has left the building. We have moved to Flynn-Con-2 and you owe me. I told you it would happen before the New Year.__"_

"_No way.__" _His phone beeped with the response, only a second later. "_So mom is seriously dating, and dad is really coming to Christmas. Dude. We are screwed.__"_

"_Except he__'__s not my dad.__" _Rusty grinned as he replied. "_Our mother hatched me fully grown, remember? Anyway, she doesn__'__t want to talk about it. Spread the word. Oh, and don__'__t forget to cancel that online dating __subscription that you got her for Christmas. I don__'__t think she__'__s going to need it.__" _

This time the reply was a little longer in coming, but only by a few moments. "_Don__'__t worry. I__'__ll give it to dad instead. Time he moved on. I__'__ve gotta finish packing. I__'__ll call before I get on the plane.__" _

"_Sure.__"_ Rusty smirked. "_Don__'__t forget to stop and get a haircut.__"_

"_Bite me, little brother. Bite me._"

Rusty laughed as he got up and took his bowl into the kitchen. His relationship with Ricky wasn't quite as weird as it used to be. Now that the adoption was all official, whatever looming doubts that everyone seemed to have were all in the past. He still didn't know them very well, but at least he and Ricky, and Emily, weren't all wary of each other anymore. They had a few things planned for Christmas too.

After rinsing his bowl and placing it in the dishwasher, Rusty made his way down the hall to his room. He had a few things to finish before he pulled out the camp beds and extra bedding. He and Ricky were going to be taking over the living room during holiday, and letting Emily have his room. At least that was the plan that he and Ricky had come up with. Emily was still arguing the fact that she would be perfectly content on the sofa and that the boys could camp out in Rusty's room.

They would see how things worked out when she got there. Rusty was starting to think that she was a lot like Sharon, only a little less of a force of nature. She seemed far more laid back and prone to compromise. He was looking forward to really meeting her. Video conferences and phone calls just didn't do the trick. Neither did emails and instant messaging. Rusty figured he would do what he did with Sharon. He'd stay firm until it was time to cave and give in, and let her have her way.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Laughter rang out throughout the condo. Sharon smiled as she followed the sound. She carried bags of groceries through the condo and into the kitchen. As she emptied the bags, she glanced toward the dining table. The kids were gathered around it, all three of them. She would never tire of that, or the feeling that swept over her at seeing them together. She turned away from them and busied herself with tucking cream and milk into the fridge when moisture filled her eyes.

After Emily and Ricky arrived the day before, they went out for dinner and then drove out to the coast for the Light Festival. It was something that she used to do with her children every year, but it had been a long time since she had Ricky and Emily at home together. Now there was Rusty too. Afterward, at much pleading from the kids, they had gone to a movie. It made for a late night, but it was enjoyable and worth it.

They had all taken the opportunity to sleep in that morning. Upon rising, Sharon made breakfast for her little brood. Emily had risen from the sofa, pulled out of sleep by the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon, only to join her mother in the kitchen. The boys were much slower to rise, but Emily had taken a great deal of pleasure in prancing down the hall to call them to breakfast.

Sharon smiled at that. Grown now, but put them together and Emily and Ricky were more like a pair of fifteen year olds rather than the mid and late twenty-somethings they really were. They were pulling Rusty into the chaos. It was good to see him and Ricky getting along better this visit than they had the last time. There was still some awkwardness, that was to be expected, but they were trying. Emily was smoothing out the boys' rough edges, just as she always did. She was accustomed to being the oldest, and so for her, to find herself with another brother, wasn't quite so upsetting as it had been for Ricky to lose his place as the youngest.

She returned to the counter where the groceries awaited while she listened to her children complaining and teasing one another. The afternoon was spent in easy and simple splendor. They finished decorating the tree, and then Emily had announced that she had some shopping to do. She convinced the boys to go along with her. While they were gone, Sharon decided to do the grocery shopping that needed to be completed prior to Christmas Dinner. That had included a phone call to a certain Lieutenant, who decided to join her for the shopping, and then they dropped the things by his house.

Heat and color had her cheeks flushing a light shade of pink as she thought about that. It was only the groceries that remained in her car that needed to be brought home with her that kept Sharon from getting too distracted. Not that making out with Andy like a teenager on his sofa wasn't going onto the top of her list of favorite things to do. It definitely was.

Her attention now was drawn back to the dining room. Her brow arched as she pulled cereal out of a canvas bag and placed it on a shelf in the pantry. The kids were gathered around a board game. It wasn't an unusual sight, not for Ricky and Emily. It was a way in which they usually amused themselves when they were home for the holidays, or even while they were in Park City with the cousins. The latter certainly tended to be some boisterous and loud occasions. It surprised her that they pulled Rusty into it, or that he was enjoying himself. He loved his chess board. Rusty never really struck her as the _board game_ sort before. Sharon filed that fact away for another time and smiled as she watched them.

Rusty scowled at the game board as he was forced to stop his little red car token. "This game is sexist," he decided. He sniffed as, beside him, Emily giggled. "I don't want to get married."

"You didn't want to play Monopoly either," Ricky pointed out with a smirk. "We tossed a coin. Life won. Suck it up little brother. My vote was for Risk."

"Only because you always win." Emily made a face at him. "I know you cheat. I haven't figured out how yet, but I know that you always cheat. I'm not going to play a game that I know I'm going to lose."

"The part that disturbs me is the unhealthy obsession with world domination." Rusty grinned as he reached into the plastic tray nearby for a peg to add to his car. He smirked deviously as he placed a second blue peg in his car. "Okay. Done. Married. Let's move on."

Ricky squinted. "Um." He tilted his head, causing an unruly lock of dark hair to fall across his brow. "Didn't mom have the talk with you? You know that's not how it works right?"

"No." He placed his chin in his hand and leaned forward against the table. He was seated with a leg curled beneath him in the chair. Most of his weight was already on the table. "I had the talk with her. This is how it works for _me_. If I have to get married there aren't going to be any girls involved."

"Oh, well…" Emily was giggling happily. She leaned across the game board and plucked up her little, purple car. She pulled the blue peg out of it and gave it a toss into the box. She put a second pink peg in place and nodded. "Since men suck, and I'm giving up on them, this totally works for me."

"Right on." Rusty held up his hand.

Ricky shook his head as they high-fived. "You know the next step is kids right? How do you plan on _having kids_ without the right spouse?" He smirked superiorly at the two of them. "Answer that one."

Rusty and Emily looked at each other. "Adoption," he shrugged.

"In vitro." She grinned crookedly.

Ricky lowered his head to the table with a groan. "Mom, they're not playing right."

She chuckled quietly as she finished putting away the groceries. She folded the grocery bags and placed them in a drawer. "I don't know, Ricky," she walked around the bar and came to stand near the table. She dropped an arm across Emily's shoulders and leaned into her side. "For a game that was created in the late 1800s and redesigned for popular distribution in the 1960s, I think they're adapting it to current events very well. If your brother and sister choose to play on their terms, then I think you should respect that."

He squinted up at her. The smile was all knowing and just a bit too amused for his liking. Ricky made a face at her, then at his siblings. "You call yourself a catholic." He shook his head and clucked his tongue at her. "What would Uncle Jamie say?"

Sharon giggled. "Your Uncle Jamie isn't going to say anything," she said of her brother, who had joined the priesthood upon graduating from college. "He's too busy praying for my soul. My son is gay, I'm divorced…"

"…and she's having the extra marital fun, according to the church," Emily pointed out with a wide smile.

"Pre-marital fun, according to some other religions in the world," Rusty added with a cheeky smile of his own.

"Be that as it may," Sharon gave them both a pointed look. Neither stopped smiling. She was beginning to realize that Emily and Rusty were a dangerous combination. Five minutes after arriving, the two of them were thicker than a pair of thieves. They were each the sibling that neither realized they always wanted. "If you cannot play the game without arguing about it, I will make you put it away."

Ricky's palm landed against his forehead. The gleam in her eyes, the twitching of her mouth. He shook his head. "You've been waiting weeks to be able to say that, haven't you?"

"You have no idea." Sharon smirked as she turned away. "Do we have any idea what we would like to do for dinner? I am not opposed to cooking for my cheeky, sarcastic, little darlings."

"You're cooking for us tomorrow." Emily turned in her chair, following her mother with her gaze. "Dinner is on us tonight, and then we're making cookies." Making Christmas cookies after dinner always helped to fill the time while they waited for Midnight Mass to begin. It was something that they had done, every year, for as far back as Emily could recall. It was a tradition which even followed them to Park City, on the occasions that they joined the rest of their family for the holidays.

"I tossed a chicken salad together," Rusty told her. "We thought we'd keep it light tonight. So…" His eyes sparkled. "How was Lieutenant Flynn?"

Sharon's eyes narrowed. She chose to ignore him. Her other children had perked up at the mention of the man. No doubt Rusty had more than filled them in. Neither had questioned her on it, they knew better. "I'm going to go and run a bath. Do try and behave yourselves. I still have Santa on speed dial."

Emily snickered after she was gone. "She knows that we know, right? I mean, we're having dinner at his place tomorrow. It's just a little bit obvious."

"She knows." Ricky took his turn at spinning the wheel on the game. "So, who is going to tell her about the anatomically correct gingerbread we made earlier."

"You mean the anatomically correct gingerbread that _you_ made earlier." Rusty laughed. "I'm having no part of that."

"You're on your own." Emily laughed. "You do the crime, little brother, you get to face the Raydor."

Ricky just shrugged. "Accuracy is important in creation."

"Yeah, let us know how that works out for you." Rusty lowered his chin into his hand again. "Do we want to keep playing this? I'm starting to see the value in some world domination."

Emily sighed. "Fine." She sat back from the table. "But Rusty gets to set it up. I don't trust you," she pointed a finger at her other brother. "I know you cheat."

"What?" Ricky made a face at her. "I have never cheated at a game in my life."

"What about Monopoly?" She folded her arms over her chest and gave him a pointed look. "You totally cheat at Monopoly, and you know it."

"Everyone cheats at Monopoly." Ricky snorted. "Who doesn't cheat at that game?"

Rusty and Emily looked at each other. "Us," they both said.

Ricky sighed. "I swear, there is a normal family out there, somewhere, desperately trying to find me."

Emily leaned over and nudged Rusty with her elbow. "You know, I begged my mother for a puppy. I got him instead."

"You know something," Rusty smirked. "I begged your mother for an x-box, and I got him instead."

"Oh my god!" Ricky slapped his hand against the table. He threw his head back and laughed, loudly, boisterously, and without any real feeling. "You guys are _so_ funny. Bite me." He stood up and went around to pull the other board game down off the shelf.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

The Cathedral at Saint Josephs was lit for Midnight Mass. Candles burned upon almost every surface, casting the interior in warm, glowing light. Sharon sat at a middle pew with her children beside her, Emily and then Rusty, with Ricky beside him. She studied the small, unlit candle in her hand. When Emily shifted beside her, she glanced at her girl and smiled. Sharon slipped an arm around her and sighed quietly, happily, when her girl snuggled close. She was a grown woman of almost thirty, but still Emily was her baby. No more or less than Rusty or Ricky, but she saw so little of her, that she indulged in the need to keep her close, this dancing, dreaming child of hers.

In years past, she would have had to drag her children to Mass with her. As they got older, they came willingly. Now it was another tradition, one among many that was rarely celebrated together as her children grew farther from the nest that they left some time ago.

She looked beyond her girl and saw Rusty and Ricky with their heads together. Sharon arched a brow at them. Ricky, taller than his brother, glanced her way. He grinned sheepishly and nudged his brother. Rusty looked at her and shrugged. She watched him slide his phone back into his pocket. Sharon shook her head at them. She turned her attention back toward the front of the church but not without a smile playing at her lips. It was not only Emily with whom Rusty was becoming close.

Her boys had enjoyed, quite thoroughly, the mess they created while making the Christmas cookies that evening. They giggled like a pair of five year olds as they decorated them, eating more frosting than they put on the cookies, and decorating a few in a fashion that still had her shaking her head at them. Sharon decided she didn't want to know _why_ they felt the need to be able to tell the boy snow-cookies from the girl snow-cookies. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips into a thin line when the urge to laugh rose up.

Movement on her other side drew her attention. Sharon looked over and up, eyes widening as another slid into the pew beside her. Warmth and emotion filled her as his hand wrapped around hers. She leaned toward him, brows lifted in question. "I thought you were going to a meeting," She whispered, barely heard over the sound of the choir.

"I did." He tipped his head close. His dark eyes sparkled as he drew her hand into his lap. Andy smiled down at her. "We wrapped up and I had a few minutes to spare." He always went to a meeting with his usual recovery group on Christmas Eve. It was the time of year when many relapsed, fell back to old habits, driven by loneliness or sadness. He went to be a help to others, especially this year, when he had more reason to celebrate than most. Once it was over, he hadn't wanted to go home right away. After thinking of her, this was where he ended up. It had been a long time since he stepped foot in a church for Christmas services, for any reason beyond a funeral or wedding, actually. Even longer since he sat a confession or took communion. He felt as though he might be struck by lightening at any minute, but he pushed it aside and let his thumb stroke the top of her hand. These things were important to her. She was important to him. When she tilted her head and smiled at him, eyes warm, he just shrugged at her.

His breath was warm against her ear and the side of her neck when he spoke. Sharon turned her hand in his and allowed their fingers to intertwine. She kept an arm around Emily, but she leaned toward him until their shoulders were touching. It was the little gestures, moments like this one, showing up at Mass and doing nothing besides holding her hand that made her heart flutter and fill. Beside her, she knew that they had drawn her children's attention. Sharon could almost _feel_ Rusty rolling his eyes at them. She didn't care.

Sharon decided that she didn't even care that they drew looks from others who knew her, and knew that Jack had once filled that spot beside her. It was not so long ago that he accompanied her to Midnight Mass for the last time. Just a few years ago, actually. The last time that she took him back, the year that Ricky left for college. Sharon smiled again at the man beside her before she let her attention drift once again to the service that was already ongoing.

No, they weren't dating. Dating was for getting to know one another. It was for falling in love. She was already more than halfway there. They might not be ready to put name to it yet, but it was there. It was warmth and light. It was the sparkle in his eyes, and the joy she felt at having him beside her. It was the tingling spark of excitement that travelled along her nerve endings when he leaned closer to her and whispered a simple "_Merry Christmas_," against her ear.

Yes, she completely ignored the way that her children looked at each other and at them as the service progressed. When they rose and sat again after the prayer, his hand settled against her knee, thumb stroking the area just below the hem of her red, cashmere dress. Her hand curled around his wrist, but she did not move it. Instead, her fingers slid beneath the gold chain that circled his right wrist and gently stroked the inside of his arm.

Later, as their candles were lit, from the outside of their pew toward the inside, Sharon waited as Emily turned toward her. Her daughter looked up at her, eyes gleaming and a brow raised in question. Sharon simply smiled serenely and waited for the wick of her candle to ignite before turning away. As she held hers to Andy's, his hand curled around her wrist to hold it steady as their candles touched. When his lips touched the corner of her mouth, she smiled and leaned against his shoulder again. She held her candle carefully in one hand and wound her other arm through his. Sharon settled her chin against his shoulder. No, she didn't care what others thought. A smile curved her lips. She turned her face toward him and whispered a quiet, "I'm glad you came." His hand found her knee again as she recrossed her legs. It used to drive her mad when Jack did that, although if she was fair, his hand would usually slide a little higher than was necessarily appropriate. Andy's hand cupped her knee, his fingers gently stroked the skin just below. If his thumb swept beneath the hem of her dress, it was a promise, and not an attempt at pushing her farther than she was willing to go. Her thumb swept beneath the cuff of his shirt to again stroke the inside of his wrist. Rather than pull away from him, she settled as close as propriety would allow and enjoyed what remained of the service.

Afterward, as they stood out front mingling on the sidewalk in front of the church, Sharon turned as Andy helped her on with her coat. She smiled when his thumb lingered against her neck, as he swept her hair from beneath the collar. Her fingers stroked the length of his tie. He wore the gray shirt and the red and gray stripped tie. Her eyes crinkled at the corners, sparkled up at him. "I'm beginning to think you've bugged my closet," she teased.

"I'll never tell." His hand slid down her arm to capture her hand again. Andy grinned at her and pulled her a little closer. "If you wear the purple one tomorrow, I won't object," he mumbled against her ear.

Sharon tipped her head back and laughed happily. "I'll see what I can do." She leaned into his side and turned, looking for her children. Emily and Ricky stood talking to old friends, Rusty stood nearby, hands tucked into his pockets, waiting patiently. She caught Emily's eye and tilted her head.

Emily glanced at her brothers and led the way back to where their mother waited. As they neared, she stuck out a hand and stopped in front of Andy. "I'm Emily. You must be Andy. I've heard a lot about you." She cut a look at Rusty and grinned as she spoke.

"Yes." Andy took her hand. "So I've heard." He glanced at the boy and smirked. "It's nice to meet you, Emily. Your mother has been talking about nothing else for the last few weeks."

"She does that." Emily drew her hands back and stuffed them into the pockets of her jacket. "We try not to hold it against her."

"Thank you for that," Sharon shook her head at them. "I think."

"Rusty?"

He turned at the sound of a familiar voice. His stomach dropped and twisted a bit. Rusty's hands found their way back into his pockets. "Kris. Hi." He didn't know what else to say. He didn't expect to ever see her again. He certainly hadn't wanted to, but that was a year ago, and now he didn't know how he felt about it. A lot of things had happened since then, a lot of things had changed. "Um. How are you?"

Kris stood with her hands clasped in front of her. She looked beyond him to the others he was with. She recognized Sharon, and she thought she recognized the man standing beside her as one of the officers from the station, although his name escaped her at the moment. "I'm good." She looked up at Rusty again. "I thought that was you. I thought I should say hello. I only have a moment, I'm here with my parents." She waved a hand, idly, at where her parents stood speaking to friends of theirs. "You're still here," she said, her way of questioning that things had worked out for him. She read a little bit about it in the paper, Rusty's name was omitted of course, but she had known that the story was about him. He never returned any of her calls or emails and she still worried about what became of him.

"I am." It was on the tip of his tongue to say that it was no thanks to her, but given how all of that worked out, he supposed she had done him a favor. It was still hard to talk to her. Rusty had trusted her and a part of him still felt like she betray him. He shifted awkwardly where he stood, aware of the eyes on him. "So… how is school? Where did you go?"

"Columbia." Kris sighed quietly. "I'm only home for the holidays. I'll be going back in January. How about you? I guess you had to stay close to LA?"

"That's my fault." Sharon stepped up beside Rusty. Her hand brushed his arm. She looked down at him, concern in her eyes. Then she looked at Kris and smiled politely. "I wasn't ready to let him go yet. As my other children will tell you, I'm a little too good at the maternal guilt. After we finalized the adoption, I wanted to keep Rusty nearby for a little longer. He starts at Santa Monica in the spring. After he finishes his two-year degree, I _suppose _I can let him fly away."

"Maternal guilt? Is that what we're calling it now." Andy stood beside her. His hand brushed the small of her back. "I thought we were just calling it a Raydor thing." He looked beyond her and caught Rusty's eye. His head inclined. "We're talking about the same lady right? Yay high," he held his other hand up at Sharon's height. "Likes to get her way, stops at very little to make it happen. Nice lady but beware the Darth-Side."

Rusty grinned. Relief swept over him as they joined him. "I think so." He laughed at the look Sharon shot at the man beside her. "I mean, if she wants to call it maternal guilt, we can let her. It is Christmas."

"True." Andy cut a look at her. His brow arched. "Oh alright, maternal guilt it is."

Sharon hummed at them. "Thank you ever so much." She shook her head at them and turned her attention back on Kris. "You remember Lieutenant Flynn, Kris? He was kind enough to join us tonight."

Her added inflection on his rank and the word _kind_ made him grin that much wider. "Kris." He nodded at the young lady, the reason they had learned about Rusty's letters when they had.

"Lieutenant." Her attention was back on Rusty. "So you were adopted. That's really great, Rusty. I'm glad for you." It surprised her that he would give up so easily on his mother, but she was happy that he finally found a home.

"Yeah." Rusty shrugged. "We're kind of happy about it too. I think. It depends on the day of the week, maybe." He grinned at Sharon beside him who laughed in response. "It's the sibling factor. They're unpredictable."

"I resemble that remark." Ricky called out. He and Emily decided to hang back, watch the situation. They didn't know the girl, not really, but they thought that they knew _of_ her. So this was the one that had told Rusty's big secret.

"Yes you do." Sharon cast a look back at her older son. "Kris, I'm very sorry, but we're going to have to keep this short. I'm afraid we have plans tonight, something of a tradition. We usually stop at a little cafe on our way home for cider or cocoa after Mass." She made a show of glancing at her watch. "It's only going to be open for another hour, so we're really going to need to leave now." The cafe in question would actually be open until the last guest left, quite possibly another two or three hours, but Rusty was uncomfortable, and Kris didn't need to know that.

"Right, yes, of course." Kris nodded quickly. "I should be getting back to my parents. It was…" She hesitated. "It was really good to see you," she told Rusty. "I'm glad that things worked out."

He shifted where he stood, scuffed his foot against the concrete of the sidewalk. "Yeah, me too. I mean, it was good to see you." Rusty shrugged. "Merry Christmas Kris."

"Merry Christmas Rusty." She turned away then and walked purposefully back to where her parents waited.

Sharon touched Rusty's arm again as they turned to rejoin the others. "Okay?"

"I guess." Rusty shrugged again. "I don't know. I didn't think I would see her again. You know?"

"I do." She smiled at him. "Maybe we'll talk about it later?"

Rusty sighed because he knew there was no getting around _that_. "Yeah, maybe."

The group stood in a small circle after the others returned from their little interlude. Things were quiet for a moment. Then Ricky rocked back on his heels. "So, that was awkward."

Rusty groaned.

Sharon sighed. "Richard, _really._"

Emily just shook her head. "And she calls Rusty the adopted one."

Andy looked at Sharon, eyes sparkling. "I mean, seriously."

She snorted a soft giggle and turned into his shoulder. "Yeah, kinda."

"Hm." Emily nudged her brother. "Rusty, do we want to know?"

"No, probably not." He rolled his eyes when the Lieutenant wrapped an arm around her again.

"Okay, alright. Enough." Sharon tossed her keys to Rusty. "I'll meet the three of you at the car. Run along like the good little children that I like to pretend you are and give mother a moment."

Emily flashed a wide, cheeky grin as she backed away. "Just the one?"

When she turned to prance away with her brothers, Andy laughed. "I like her. I think you were right. She's a lot like you. In about five seconds she's going to toss her hair. Wait for it," he smirked. "Here it comes. Ah!" Emily did not disappoint. Andy shook his head. "There it was, the Raydor Maneuver."

"I do _not_ do that." She poked his side. "You are trouble, I hope you know that." Sharon leaned in to him as they walked toward his car. He found a spot on the street across from the church. Her hand slipped into his again as they walked. "You can join us if you like," she said. "You're more than welcome. We're just going over to that little place on Pacific."

"I know it." When they reached his car, he leaned against it and pulled her to him. "Maybe next time. You should go, spend time with your kids." His arms circled her waist in a loose embrace. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I am spending time with my kids." Her hands settled against his chest. They stroked down the lapels of his jacket. Then she toyed with his tie. "Maybe I don't mind spending time with you too." She would see him the next day, but it would be awkward and probably tense, no matter how hard they would both try to be on their best behavior with Jack present. Sharon wanted him with her tonight, while the mood was still happy and light. She looked up at him through her lashes and was not ashamed at the quietly pleading gleam in her eyes.

Andy chuckled quietly. "You call me trouble?" He bent and brushed a quick kiss across her lips. He found that, as per usual, he couldn't deny her. "Tell the kids we'll meet them there." He pushed away from the car, but still held her in the circle of his arms. "You can ride with me."

"Good." She reached into her purse for her phone. She sent the text to Rusty, telling him to go on ahead with Emily and Ricky, and get seats enough for five of them. As she rounded his car, he went with her. Sharon smiled as he opened and held the door for her. Her hand slid along his arm as she folded herself into the front seat. She waited until he slid behind the wheel on the other side, and then she leaned across the console between them. Her hand circled his wrist as she tipped her face toward him. Her lips found his, soft and lingering, kissing him as she would have liked to earlier, to show her pleasure at his decision to join them.

Her hand moved into his again as she settled back in her seat. As their fingers twined together she leaned her head back against the seat rest. Tonight they had the magic of the holiday. What came next would be another matter and anyone's guess. He had helped her recapture her joy at the season. It was more than their ever changing relationship. It was the simple peace of having everyone she loved with her during her favorite time of year.


	3. Chapter 3

**Holiday Heart**

**by Kadi**

**Rated: M**

**Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox, just my favorite place to play.

**A/N:** The warning is for this chapter. Please heed. Thanks! :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

He was leaning against his fridge, watching as dinner came together. He helped where he could, where he was allowed. It didn't seem to matter that it was his kitchen, Sharon had taken over from the moment that she arrived. She came early, ostensibly to help prepare the dinner that he was hosting for her and her kids, and her ex-husband. Helping had turned into doing, and Andy found himself relegated to tour guide as he pointed out where everything was kept and pulled down items from high shelves.

It was amusing to watch. Within only a short time of arriving, she seemed to have his organization figured out. He could tell when she disagreed with the location of some item or ingredient. She would cluck her tongue at him, but smile in that way of hers.

As the clocked ticked away, and the time for the others to arrive got nearer, he noticed that she became quieter. She smiled less and seemed to become just a bit frazzled. It was more than pulling together a holiday dinner for several people. Sharon could do that with her eyes closed. It was what she knew that this holiday would entail.

They knew that it would be awkward. That went without saying. She was expecting disappointment, perhaps even a little bit of hurt. They couldn't know exactly what her kids were expecting, but they seemed to be hoping for a fairytale. Not the sort where mom and dad got back together again, no, they knew that door was firmly closed and locked. They were hoping for a father, and it didn't seem to matter how old they got or how much experience they had in being disappointed by Jack, there was going to be a part of them that would always long for that relationship.

Andy wanted to hope that they could get it. He just didn't know how realistic that was. It was possible that his own dealings with the man were coloring his judgement, but he didn't think that was likely. Sharon didn't either, or else she wouldn't be so concerned about the day's outcome.

She spent the morning and much of the early afternoon with her kids. All three of them. They opened gifts, and she made breakfast. They had watched a movie, while still in their pajamas, curled together on the sofa, Emily on one side of her and Ricky on the other. As the hour had grown later, she left them to find her way to Andy's house. The three of them would arrive later, along with Jack.

It was Jack that was occupying her thoughts at present, even as she stood in another man's kitchen. She stared into the bowl in front of her and studied the glaze that she was preparing for the steamed asparagus. Dinner was all but prepared. The ham was in the oven, the rolls were baked. Most of the side dishes were done, and left warming. There was little else to do besides a few finishing touches. Sharon glanced at the clock again and sighed. Her gaze dropped to the bowl again and she wondered if it was too late to give Jack a different address, send him elsewhere.

Arms circled her from behind. A hand slid beneath the edge of her sweater, and a chin settled against her shoulder. Sharon smiled as she leaned back against him. He wasn't a patient man, but in this he was as experienced as she was, only from the other side. She sighed softly as his fingers stroked a lazy pattern against her stomach, just above the waist of her jeans. She brought the purple dress with her, the pale lavender that he loved so much. She planned to change just before the others arrived.

His lips moved against her neck. His nose nuzzled her hair aside. "What's the matter?" He already knew the answer, but there was nothing to be gained from allowing her to dwell.

Sharon shook her head. "I feel like I forgot something." She cast a sideways glance at him. "The glaze, it doesn't taste quite right." It was hardly at all what she was worried about and they both knew it. She just didn't want to talk about Jack, not right now, and not with him. Not because he wouldn't understand, but she wanted the warmth and the comfort of his arms around her, she didn't want to think of unpleasant things.

"Really." He looked over her shoulder and into the bowl. Andy decided that he could play along. They would be dealing with the ex-husband soon enough. If she wanted to delay it, he could do that. His lips pursed. "Looks right to me."

"It looks fine." Sharon dipped her finger into the glaze and lifted it. "I'm just not sure."

His brow arched as she lifted her hand and held the finger in front of him. He reached around her with his other hand and circled her wrist. Andy drew her hand higher. His lips parted and his tongue swept out to dance around the single digit. As he pulled it into his mouth, his other hand splayed across her stomach, holding her in place. He decided that the glaze tasted more than just fine to him. As he let her hand fall away, he reached out and took the bowl out of her hand. He set it on the counter and kept her back plastered against his front while he sought her mouth with his. "Seems okay to me," he rumbled, a moment before his mouth closed over hers.

She moaned into his mouth. Her hand lifted again, this time to grip the back of his neck. The angle was odd, but as his tongue swept along hers, only to tease the roof of her mouth, she felt her legs go a little weak. Heat and desire moved through her, only to dance low in her belly as his hand slid higher beneath her sweater. his other settled against her waist, and moved slowly toward her front. He was holding her against him, and when she tried to turn in his arms, his hold on her only tightened. Sharon grunted impatiently against his mouth. Her other hand gripped his arm. When his fingers brushed the underside of her lace and satin clad breasts, she made another low, keening sound.

The cup of her bra was pushed upward, out of his way. Her breast spilled into his hand, while he nipped and sucked at her lips. His thumb circled her nipple until it was hard and straining toward him. She moved against him, pressed her bottom against him, and he groaned quietly. His mouth travelled along the curve of her jaw. His tongue bathed a path down her neck, to the juncture of her shoulder. As his teeth scraped against the soft skin there, he opened the fastening of her jeans. The zipper purred downward, and he held her fast against him, while his hand followed it.

Her thighs parted for him as his fingers slid inside her jeans. Her head fell back against his shoulder and Sharon took a ragged breath. She exhaled with a low, throaty moan as the first touch of his hand against her sex seared right through her. She was already weak kneed, but her legs shook as he touched her. "_Andy_."

He turned her then. He tugged at her sweater, pulled it over her head. Her bra joined it on the floor. His eyes were dark as he looked down at her. He backed her into the counter, pinned her there. His arms circled her, sliding around her middle and then moving upward. He gripped her shoulders and lowered his head. Her back bowed and he made a low, rumbling sound as his mouth steadily lower. His tongue danced across the hollow of her throat. His teeth nipped at her collar bone. She leaned further back and braced herself, elbows resting against the counter. When her leg curled around his thigh, he moved against her, their jeans were in his way, but doing little to hide the heat of her arousal or the swell of his.

Her hands found purchase against the edge of the counter. Sharon's head fell back as his mouth closed around a nipple. Her hips jerked, and she hummed plaintively at the lack of contact, even as his tongue teased her until she throbbed. His hands slid downward, across her back. One moved to cup her bottom, the other cupped her breast, while he moved between them, offering equal attention while the ache at her center grew.

The counter was much too high for the purpose that he had in mind. Andy lifted her and turned. He sat her on her feet in front of the baker's cart nearby. His hands caught the waist of her jeans and he tugged, pushing them down her thighs. Hers pulled at his shirt, and together they rid themselves of the last remaining barriers in their way. Andy lifted her again, and this time he sat her on the cart. Several items toppled off of it, unnoticed and without care. His hand moved into her hair, he gripped the back of her head as he captured her mouth again. He moved between her legs, even as they wrapped around his thighs. His other hand slid along her thigh, to her hip.

Her fingers traced the length of his arousal. The tremor that ran through him as her hand curled around him made her smile against his mouth. His head lifted and they stared at one another as she guided him to her entrance. Their breaths came in ragged puffs. As he slid into her, her hands fell to grip the edge of the cart and she forced her eyes to remain open. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip. Sharon watched his eyes darken, felt the tremor in his hands as they gripped her hips. She tilted her pelvis upward, rolled it against him, and he slipped deeper. They both groaned at the feel of her body stretching around him.

His head lowered, his tongue and teeth teased at her lips. When he sank fully into her, he stood there, for just a moment, legs shaking while her heat encased him. When she moved against him again, inner walls gripping him tightly, Andy turned his face into her neck. He gripped her thighs, drew them higher around his waist and began to thrust. Slowly at first, and then with ever increasing tempo.

All thought and words and sound was lost in the heat. In the feel of him against her. Her head fell back. Her hands gripped the edge of the cart more tightly. She braced herself there and moved against him in a counter thrust that created a delicious friction. When his hand moved between them and his fingers danced across her swollen sex, just above where they were joined, she lost herself in the rush of climax. The heat of his release swept through her, and her arms moved around his shoulders as he jerked against her.

They were left trembling, spent, chests aching as they drew ragged breaths. Their lips were gentle as heated kisses turned to soft caresses. He gathered her close, arms sliding around her body, hands gentle against her back. He continued to thrust against her, until the friction was just too much for both of them. He felt her sigh as he slipped out of her. His hands moved into her hair and he tipped her head back. Lingering, unhurried kisses followed in the wake of their desire.

It would have been nice to stay there, to linger a while longer. The clock was still moving, and with the buzzing of the oven timer, they were reminded that there were still a few things left to do, and the hour was growing later.

It was with some reluctance that he moved away from her. But only long enough to check the oven, reset the timer, and lower the heat. A glance at the clock showed there was still time enough for a shower and to dress before the others arrived.

The gathering of clothing off of the kitchen floor was met with laughter. There would be no article left behind. As they moved up the stairs, he reminded her that the shower was big enough for two.

Sharon decided it might not be such a bad thing if dinner was a little late.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

They kept the downstairs lit in muted tones. In the corner of the living room, a large Christmas tree glowed in white, twinkling lights, decorated tastefully in pale blue and silver. Andy put the tree up a few days before, after Sharon agreed to let him host the holiday meal. Lamps burned in the corners of the room, further illuminating it in a soft glow. As he moved around the room, while she put the finishing touches out in the dining room, he stopped at the bar which separated the living room and kitchen. Candles waited to be lit, the small red and white lights would only further add to the festive mood.

Andy stopped as he reached it. Situated in the center of the bar was a square package, wrapped in red and gold. A single red bow sat atop it. He studied the box, and the name written on the tag in a familiar slanting script. "Sharon." He shot a look over his shoulder as she strode into the room, "What is this?"

"What does it look like?" A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Her heels clicked against the hard wood floors as she joined him. "I thought you should open it before the others get here." She stopped behind him. Her hands settled against his waist as she leaned in to his back. His suit jacket was draped across the back of the sofa. He stood in the pale lavender shirt, and matching tie, the complement to the pale purple knit dress that she wore. In her heels, she was just tall enough to rest her chin atop his shoulder.

"You didn't have to get me anything," he said quietly. She was enough, having her close, and knowing that he had only to reach out and touch her now, that was gift enough.

"Yes, I know." She turned her face into his neck. Her lips moved against the short cropped, silver hairs that just almost brushed his collar. "I wanted to," she said quietly, in a voice that was thick with emotion.

His hand covered hers for a moment, where it snaked around to rest against his stomach. Andy gave the fingers a squeeze before he reached for the box. He drew it toward him and lifted it. The package had some weight to it. Not a simple token, he realized. He glanced at her again, and found her watching him with a smile at her lips. Andy pulled at the bow and turned the package over in his hands to slip his finger along the seam of the paper. It gave way easily to reveal a simple, white gift box.

He opened it and found nestled within, carefully wrapped and tucked against the tissue paper, a desk plaque of frosted and etched glass and gleaming silver. His brows drew together as he lifted it. It was smooth in his hands, curved at the top, and thick at its base. Through the frosted glass, the silver hands and numbers of a ticking clock looked back at him. It was the inscription that was engraved in the back face, beneath the clock, and seeming to float in the glass toward him that drew his attention, gave it meaning.

_Peace is ever changing, friendship is timeless, and with you I found my heart._

In his large hands it seemed small. The meaning was huge. Sharon's lips moved against his neck. "I thought it would look good on your desk." The fingers of one hand toyed with his suspenders, the other stroked upward, toward his heart. This was no simple fling for her. For either of them. She had fallen for her friend, when and how, she did not know and it didn't seem to matter now. They would be discreet, it was simply who they were, but this was not a relationship that she was going to keep in the shadows of her life. He was too important for that.

"Yeah?" He took a half step to the side and turned. His arm moved around her. Andy pulled her into his side. He met her gaze and his lips turned up into a grin at the emotion shining in her eyes. His hand moved up her back and he pulled her closer. When her arms moved around his middle, he dipped his head and placed a soft kiss against her lips. "I think you're right," He rumbled quietly. "It'll look great there." His forehead rested against hers. There was a lot more that he wanted to say, but he was never all that great at putting it into words. "Sharon."

"I know." It was almost dizzying. She closed her eyes as her face moved against his. She nuzzled at his cheek. Her lips were soft against his ear, and her breath warm, as she whispered the sentiment that was hanging in the air between them. The emotion that made her heart flutter with excitement and joy. "I love you."

Andy set the clock on the bar. His hands gripped her a little tighter. His arms pulled her closer. It settled around them like a blanket, this feeling. It was as comfortable and soft as it was exciting and new. They had been moving toward this without even knowing it. It came at them, gentle and sure, and slowly worked it's way around both of their hearts, until they were as bound together in feeling as they were with their arms wrapped around each other. His head lowered. Their lips met, the caress soft, and hardly a kiss at all as he murmured the secret of his heart.

Time was relative in that moment. They would have liked more of it, but the clock was ticking away. Sharon allowed herself only a moment longer to stand in the circle of his arms. Her lips touched his, just one more time before she stepped away. Her hand slid along his arm. She laughed at the sound of the doorbell. They had timed the moment just right.

"I'll finish this," Sharon told him. She gathered the discarded wrapping paper in one hand and lifted the book of matches in her other.

"Here we go." Andy exhaled quietly as he nodded. He paused just long enough to kiss the back of her head as he moved around her. He picked up his jacket as he walked past the sofa and shrugged into it. At the door, Andy glanced back. Sharon was lighting the candles on the bar, and he watched her step around it and into the kitchen. He nodded once and reached out to open the door.

Over the course of the next half hour, all of their guests arrived. Rusty and Ricky had come together, while Emily fetched her father. The girl seemed pensive when she arrived, but was all smiles as she greeted her mother and her _friend_.

It was as they expected. When Jack arrived, his eyes narrowed at the sight of Flynn, even if he suspected that was the friend that they were dining with. He turned his attention on Emily and Ricky, boisterously talking about holidays past, moments that would quite thoroughly exclude the new men in Sharon's life, her adopted son and her lover.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes when her gaze caught Andy's. They had known that he would do this. She would allow it, for now. It was Ricky, bless him, that kept involving Rusty in the conversation. Her son was proving now, more than ever, that he was the boy that she had raised. Sharon looked up as a hand touched hers. When Andy placed a glass of wine in it, she smiled brightly at him. He knew her only too well. She hadn't planned on serving wine at dinner, not in his house, but he had taken care of it for her. "Thank you, honey."

The softly murmured endearment had not gone unnoticed. Jack's eyes narrowed again. He studied the two of them, the lingering looks and the soft touches. Flynn held another glass in his hand. "I thought you gave that up," he said, just a little brusquely. "Although, as I recall it," he laughed, the sound not altogether pleasant, "wine was never your drink of choice."

"No." Andy shrugged. "It wasn't." He wasn't hiding his past. Sharon knew about it, and so did Rusty. He could only assume that her older kids did too. If not, he would have no problem telling them about it. It was a part of who he was. His recovery wasn't just something that he did. It would always be with him, like a part of his personality. He couldn't shed it, couldn't ignore it, and frankly, he was proud of it. "It still isn't." Andy held the glass out to Emily. "Your ma says you prefer a dark red, but the lady likes white, so…" He grinned at her, and chose to ignore Jack.

"The lady gets what she wants." Emily smiled as she took it. "Thank you, this is more than fine."

"Ricky?" Andy glanced at the young man. He and Rusty were drinking iced tea, but he couldn't recall the other man's preference.

He lifted a glass. Rusty brought him tea. "I'm good with this. I'm not much of a wine drinker either. It's all girly." He nudged his mother and flashed a teasing smile.

"I am a girl, thank you." Her shoulder bumped his and then she smiled at her son.

"Nah." Ricky's dark eyes sparkled. "You're just a mom. It doesn't count."

"Careful there, son." Jack smirked. "That one is little, but she's mean. I seem to recall that she always gets even."

"Yes she does." Emily spoke up. She took a sip of her wine and then cast a pointed look at her father. "It's probably best not provoke her." She had instructed him to be on his best behavior. They would spend this holiday with him. He was their father, after all, but that didn't mean he had the right to bring negativity and abuse into it. "Andy, do you need any help in the kitchen?"

"No." He smiled at her. "Your mother took care of it. I'm just going to pull the ham out of the oven. She was very specific that was my job for the day."

Sharon laughed as he moved into the kitchen again. "Troublemaker."

"Yes. Very good at it too. Ask my boss." He tossed a crooked grin back at her.

"Oh, I'm sure that she's aware." She shook her head at him. Sharon reached up and idly fingered the pendant at her neck. She was wearing his gift.

"Seems to me like the troublemaking is catching." Jack smirked at her. "Dating a subordinate? Never known you to be so fond of breaking the rules before."

Her brow arched. Sharon smiled serenely at him. "I'm not. Nor am I. There is no rule preventing me from spending time with Andy. The only thing that I am required to do is report it to a superior, and not that it is any concern of yours, but to put your mind at ease, you should know that it has been handled."

She sent the memo to Taylor, wanting it out of the way before they returned from their holiday break. His reply was simple. Sharon had actually laughed upon reading it. She made a mental note to show it to Andy later. _No kidding_. That was the response that she received from her boss in regard to the changing nature of her relationship with a subordinate. He followed it up by telling her that they would make the necessary changes once the team returned after the New Year, then he bid her enjoy the remainder of her holiday.

_No kidding_. It seemed they were far more obvious than Sharon ever imagined. It was not only their children and Lieutenant Provenza who had reason to question their closeness. Others had seen it as well. Obviously. It was at the seat of Jack's animosity toward them the last several months, and his reason for questioning Rusty as to her dating habits during the previous summer. A part of her wished that she could have answered in the affirmative at that time, but she rather enjoyed how the relationship had unfolded. It developed as was necessary, and whatever uncertainty and awkwardness they felt the last few weeks was behind them now, and they had only to move forward. Together.

"What did he say?" Rusty interrupted before Jack could continue along that vein himself. He drew Sharon's attention to him and tilted his head, a grin spreading across his face. "I mean, if you can tell us." He was a little bit curious and he wouldn't admit it, but they kind of had money riding on it. Rusty would never tell Sharon that he, Buzz, and Julio had a pool going on what Taylor would do when he found out about her and Flynn.

Sharon shifted where she stood. She sighed quietly and rolled her eyes. She couldn't stop the smile that tugged at her lips. "Well…" As Andy came through the room and moved toward the dining room with the ham, she followed. It was the last item that needed to be placed on the table. She lay a hand against Rusty's shoulder as they walked, and knew the others were following. "It would seem that you were not the only one in the know, so to speak."

"You think so?" Andy placed the ham at the center of the table. He straightened and looked at her, a brow arched in question. "He could be covering. Taylor likes to act like he knows what's going on around him."

"Not this time." She chuckled quietly. "He has, apparently, been waiting for me to tell him. Oh so patiently. I'll show you the email later, it was rather amusing."

"I'm going to hold you to that." He winked at her as he rounded the table again. Andy pulled out a chair near the head of the table and held it for her. Her hand brushed his arm as she slipped past him to slide gracefully into it. His hand brushed her neck as he moved away, his thumb gently, briefly, tracing the length of the platinum chain.

Sensing the mood in the room, Ricky tugged at the chair on the opposite end of the table. "Emily." He held it for his sister, and noted Rusty sliding into the chair beside their mother. He smiled at that. She would have Andy to one side of her, Rusty to the other. "Hey dad, why don't you sit between Em and me." That was the point of having him there, wasn't it?

"Yeah, sure." He was still watching his ex-wife. She was all soft looks and pretty smiles now. It was always like that in the beginning. Jack snorted quietly. Soon enough she would go cold again. That or she was putting on a damned good show, not that it was exactly like Sharon. Jack slid into the chair beside his daughter and arched a brow as his son sat beside him. It put him across from Rusty. He eyed the boy, who was already talking to Emily about the interpretive dance class she was trying to get him to take as an elective. "Looks like you ended up putting a third through college after all," Jack said, his gaze sliding to his ex-wife.

"_Dad_!" Emily's eyes widened. She stared at him, mouth slightly agape. It was a well placed blow, and she saw her mother's hand freeze, glass lifted halfway to her lips.

Where he sat across from her, Ricky watched his mother pale. She lowered the glass to the table. Her gaze flickered to his father, then he watched her face carefully settle into an impassive look. She smiled at him, but the sparkle was gone from her eyes. He shifted in his chair and shot a look at the man beside him. "You know, I've been trying to get Rusty to apply at Stanford. He won't listen."

Rusty slanted a look at her. He didn't understand why Ricky and Emily were suddenly so uncomfortable, or why Sharon and Jack were staring at each other. He looked beyond her to the other end of the table and met Flynn's gaze. The other man shrugged, as much at a loss as he was, but Rusty saw him reach out and brush her hand with his. "I got into Berkley," he replied. "I hear Stanford is just a party school."

"Oh sure," Ricky rolled his eyes. "Mommy's pet. You would apply to Berkley. You might as well go to Northwestern."

"What is wrong with Northwestern?" Emily sat straight in her chair. Her eyes narrowed at her brother. "Choose your next words carefully, little brother." Now he was maligning her school.

"I applied everywhere," Rusty pointed out. "I just don't think Stanford is for me. I mean, the guys who go there all have bad hair. It's kind of disturbing."

His thumb swept the top of her hand. Sharon drew her gaze away from Jack and looked at him. There was a question in his dark eyes, but more than that, there was concern. A soft smile touched her lips. Her eyes closed, just for a moment, and she gave a slight shake of her head. She would tell him later. If she told him at all. She didn't want to give credence to Jack's picking at her.

"Rusty is free to go to school wherever he chooses," Sharon stated. "We will make it work." She looked at her son beside her. Her smile shifted, no less gentle, but warmer. The sparkle was back in her eyes. She touched his arm, briefly.

"Well aren't you the lucky one." Jack smirked at the boy. "Not exactly what you thought you were signing up for, huh Rusty? Oh well, guess you know Sharon as well as the rest of us by now. She sets her mind to something and the rest of us just have to go along. Isn't that right, Andy? Or have you figured that out about her yet? Sharon always gets her way."

They exchanged another look. Sharon shrugged at him. Andy reached for the knife and serving fork and began working on the ham. "You know something, her way is usually the same way I'm headed, so it all works out in the end."

"Until it's not." Jack muttered. "Sharon though, everything always seems to work out for her."

"Dad." Emily sighed. This was a mistake, she was seeing that now. Actually, she knew that it would be a mistake when she invited him. She simply hadn't known what else to do at the time. It seemed the polite and proper thing to do, inviting her father to dinner. She just hadn't realized that he would be quite so difficult.

"Oh, don't worry Emmy. I'm still on my best behavior." He cut a look at his daughter and grinned. "That is what you told me on the way over, isn't it? I'm supposed to behave myself. Amusing, considering you're the child and I'm the parent. No less that I'd expect from one of Sharon's though. You always were more hers than mine. All of you were. The three of you. Oh, I meant two. Good thing she found Rusty to round it out again, isn't it. Don't worry Mr. Beck, I'm sure you're not a substitute."

He was determined to come at her through her children, since coming at her any other way wasn't going to work. Jack knew how to hurt her, he always had. Sharon drew a thin breath. She glanced across the table at Ricky, whose hands had fisted against the top of the table. She shook her head at him, even as she placed a hand on the arm of the man beside her. Her fingers slipped around his wrist, stroked the soft skin beneath the golden chain he always wore. Beside her, she felt Rusty grow stiff. She cast a look at him, smiled gently.

"Jack." Her eyes grew hard when she looked at him. "If you would like to discuss Beth, we can do so at any time, but I refuse to do it in front of my children. More than that, I will not get into that discussion while we are guests in another person's home."

Her voice had gone soft, but it was a bit like ice grating against steel. Emily shivered. She stared at her hands in her lap. "Dad, you promised." She spoke quietly, and with not a little resignation. She chewed on her bottom lip, a habit that she shared with her mother. When she finally looked up again, she sighed. There was pain behind her mother's impassive gaze. Emily looked at her father. "I shouldn't be surprised. My entire life is a history of empty promises that you've made." She took her napkin out of her lap and slapped it against her empty plate. Dinner hadn't even started before he managed to ruin it. "You're right, it is a little amusing that I should have to ask you to behave, but then, you're not much of a parent are you?" Emily stood up and left the table, no longer able to look at him.

"Now you listen here." Incensed that she would walk away from him, much as her mother always had in the past, Jack stood up and followed her. "I will not have any one of my children talking to me in that manner." Jack pointed his finger at her.

"Don't play the daddy card now, Jack." Emily whirled, eyes flashing. She had her mother's temper. It was hard to provoke, but once it had, she fought hard, and with meaning. "You haven't earned the right. You've got a lot of nerve bringing all that up, here of all places, and on Christmas? What is wrong with you. Do you even think? No, don't answer that. I know the answer to that already too. The only person that you ever think about is yourself."

"Emily." Sharon sighed as she stood. She followed the pair of them. "Honey, no." She shook her head at her daughter. "I didn't raise you to speak to your father like that. Let's go back and sit down."

"If I had a father that might actually mean something," Emily stated, staring at the man in front of her.

"_Emily_." Sharon's eyes widened. "You will not—"

"Sharon." Andy stood behind her. His hands settled at her hips and he drew her back against his chest. His lips brushed her hair, but he simply held her against him. His grip on her was loose. When she looked up at him, he slowly shook his head. "She needs to do this," he said quietly. "He needs to hear it." This was a place that he had been in. Emily and Ricky were hurt and disappointed, there were things they needed to say to their father, and she may not agree, but it had to be done. They may or may not end up having a real relationship with him, but if it was going to happen, if there was going to be any kind of healing, he would have to see just how badly he had hurt them.

Left alone at the table, Ricky shook his head. He looked over at Rusty and sighed. "Welcome to the family. Guess it's not a holiday if someone isn't crying, depressed, or fighting."

"Yeah." Rusty leaned forward in his chair. He turned his tea glass. He glanced toward the living room, where the others had gone. Ricky didn't seem in any great hurry to follow. "Um… who is Beth?"

Ricky looked at the table. "Our sister." He shrugged. "She would have been younger than me, but older than you. I think I was five. It's not like it's one of those big, dark, family secrets. It's just a thing. She came too soon and only lived for a few hours. Dad wasn't there. He was off in a bar somewhere. That's when mom made him go to rehab. The rest, I think you probably know. We just don't talk about it because, well, obviously… not a happy topic."

"So…" Rusty's brows drew together in a frown. "When Jack accused her of finding a substitute?"

"He was being a jerk." Ricky reached across the table for his mom's wine glass and took a drink. "Dad is determined that everyone else is to blame for the fact that he's out and someone else is in. Mom moved on. Even if she wasn't in another relationship, she proved that she was completely over him by finally getting the divorce. Dad convinced himself that if it weren't for you, she never would have done it. He tried to convince us of that too." Ricky smiled sheepishly at him. "Now though, it's pretty obvious, it would have happened anyway."

Rusty glanced toward the living room. "She was pretty done with him the last time he stayed with her. I think the whole, adoption thing, just kind of… I don't know. Gave her an opportunity to make her point. She wasn't making the choice, he was."

"Pretty much," Ricky agreed. "Dad has always had a choice. It's never been us. We try, mainly because it's what we're supposed to do. Mom expects us to keep letting him in. He's our dad, and it wasn't always bad, but we're both getting kind of tired of the crap." He hooked a thumb toward the other room. The raised voices were still filtering in. "Dad always called Emily the mini-Sharon. What he doesn't understand is that she's a lot like him too. Like mom, she reached her limit with him and she was done, but that, what we're hearing, that's all dad."

"What about you?" Rusty inclined his head at his brother. "Which part are you? Why aren't you in there. I mean, he's your dad too. You just said so, and you're tired of the crap."

"It's Christmas." Ricky drained the last of his mother's wine and stood up. He was headed to the kitchen to refill the glass. "It's mom's favorite holiday. Dad wants to ruin it for her, I'm not going to help him. He made Emily feel guilty and sorry for him, and I probably would have invited him too if it was me. We both kind of figured this would happen. It doesn't even matter that we're here. He would have done it at the condo too, found a way to pick at mom until someone started arguing with him. At least here she has someone at her back. I mean, we'd have had her back too, but that's not what she wants. You know?"

"Yeah." Rusty rubbed his hands against his pants and nodded. He stood up and followed Ricky into the kitchen. It seemed a safe place for both of them. "I know." He looked toward the living room again before his gaze settled on his brother as he poured wine into two glasses. "You're kind of smarter than your haircut suggests."

"All part of my image and charm, little brother. It's called luring them into a false sense of security." Ricky sighed as he lifted the second wine glass for himself. "God, I really wish he had gotten a red."

"Thought you weren't much of a wine drinker," Rusty pointed out with a smile. He leaned against the counter and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I'm not." Ricky grinned. "But red is all dark and bitter. Kind of like this family sometimes."

"It's not bitter." Rusty scuffed his shoe against the tiled floor. "Just a little dry sometimes."

"Yeah," Ricky sighed. He gazed through the opening over the bar, watched his sister pointing at his father. "Sometimes."

"Okay that is enough." Sharon stepped forward when Emily seemed to deflate, having said all that she needed to. She drew her daughter to her. Her gaze swept over her ex-husband. "Come on, honey. Let's step outside and get some air." She wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulders and drew her toward back of the house, where she had spied a set of sliding glass doors that led out into the backyard.

Andy shoved his hands into his pockets as they left. His eyes followed Sharon until she slid the door closed behind her. Then he looked at Jack. "You can stay, but I think you ought to go," he said quietly. "It's not about you, it's never going to be about you. It's always going to be them. Sharon is always going to choose her kids first, Jack. It's who she is, it's what she does. It's the reason she went along with this. She thought they needed to have you around today, so she sucked it up and she agreed to let it happen. She knew that it was going to be a disaster, and she knew that it was going to hurt. She knew that you were going to try to hurt her. The sad thing is, you had a chance to prove her wrong, and you didn't do it.

"You think you know her so well." Jack looked at him. His eyes were burning, alight with emotion. He shook his head. His daughter shamed him, but that only fueled his dark mood. His eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. "It's good in the beginning. She's all smiles and sweet words now. Wait a little while. Then she'll start pointing out all the ways that you can't live up to her lofty expectations. That's the real Sharon. With her rules and her opinions. Don't worry, Andy. You'll be standing back out on the curb with the rest of us lowly humans soon enough."

"Maybe." He shrugged. Andy had no illusions that he wasn't good enough for her. He would spend the rest of his life trying to be, trying to love her in a way that she deserved. "The thing is, maybe I don't know her like you do. I may never know her like that. There's a lot of history there. Just like she'll never know me the way my ex-wife does. It doesn't matter. We aren't living in the past. We aren't the people we used to be. I've known Sharon a long time, Jack. Professionally, yeah, but… you know something, when I bothered to actually look at her, I _saw _her. The only thing that Sharon expects me to do, I'm doing. I'm here. Not because she needs me, she doesn't_ need_ anyone. She's good on her own. I'm not standing behind her waiting for her to notice me. I'm standing beside her. That's all she has ever wanted."

"Wow." Ricky's eyes widened as they watched that scene. "He's good," he muttered.

"Yep." Rusty smirked. "I told you. The maternal unit is totally dating."

"Dating hell." Ricky snorted. "The maternal unit has moved straight past dating and into going steady."

The boys glanced at one another and started laughing.

"I don't want to know." Andy stepped into the kitchen and looked at them. "Whatever you did, just… don't tell your mother." He shook his head at them. "Come on, let's go sit back down. We'll wait for your mother and sister, but I don't think they'll be much longer."

Ricky glanced toward the front of the house. It seemed his dad had opted to leave. He took a deep breath and let it out. "So, just the five of us for dinner then?"

"Yeah." Andy herded the pair back toward the dining room. "He's going to take Emily's rental and go back to his place. Rusty, you can run by with me later and pick it up. We can bring it back here or drop it off at the condo." It didn't matter where, and depended on how the rest of the evening went. Jack's presence had certainly put a pall over the day. There was some hope, however, that with his leaving, they might be able to salvage some enjoyment out of it.

**MCMCMCMCMCMC**

The hour had grown late before the kids finally left. Dinner was a muted affair, but dessert brought back some of the smiles and laughter that were present prior to the unhappiness.

Rusty and Ricky took Emily with them. The three decided that they were going to drop by and pick up the rental themselves. The kids bid their mother stay behind. They would be okay. After dropping off the car, Ricky told her they would go to a movie, just the three of them. There were a couple of Christmas Day openings that they all wanted to see.

Sharon carried dishes into the kitchen while Andy stood at the sink, carefully rinsing each one before placing it in the dishwasher. "Well, that was fun." She sat a pair of wine glasses on the counter beside him. That seemed to be the last of it. The bulk of it he had already taken care of.

"We knew that it would be." Andy cast a sideways look at her and grinned. "It wasn't that bad. It got better anyway. The kids are okay, Sharon."

"I know." She turned and leaned back against the counter. "They usually are. It's just hard on them. The reality of their father is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes. I just wish it could have been different."

"We always do." He shrugged as he took the wine glasses and dumped what remained in them. He rinsed each one and placed them on the top rack of the dishwasher. "There are a lot of things I would have liked to do different too. Maybe seeing how unhappy they actually are with him will help," he suggested. "It may not, but there's always a chance. Sharon, he got sober, but he never worked a program. It's not too late for all that."

"Hm." She hummed thoughtfully and turned toward him. Sharon moved behind him and slid her arms around his waist. "I'm actually glad that we did this here. The kids have a peaceful place to go back to at least, but I'm sorry that we brought this into your house."

"Don't be." He wiped his hands on a towel and turned. Andy slipped his arms around her. They hung loosely around her waist, his hands settled against the top of her hips. "I told you, I was glad to do it. It gave you all a place to go that, well, like you said, they can leave here and escape. They can go home and put it aside. Besides…" He pulled her closer, while a crooked grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. "I like having you here."

"I like being here." Her hands moved up his arms to slide around his neck. Sharon tipped her face toward him, kissed the tip of his chin. "You haven't asked me."

"I'm not going to." His hands stroked up her back. "You'll tell me if you want to. I think I picked up enough during the argument." Andy shrugged, shook his head. "I don't need to know, Sharon. It's part of your past, it can stay there."

She sighed softly, smiled up at him. "You always know exactly what I need to hear," she murmured. "One of many reasons why I love you." Sharon shook her head and tucked it against his neck. She folded against him, let his embrace engulf her. It felt good there, safe and warm. A tremor went through her. "I had a feeling that he would try to come at Rusty, I had no idea that he would bring up all of that. Even I expected better of him than that."

"You expected him to act like a human being, Sharon." He lay his cheek against the top of her head let his hands continue to stroke her back. She trembled against him and for a moment, he wished he had given in and punched the idiot. He was tempted, but it wasn't what she had needed in that moment. "There's nothing wrong with that. You're always going to want to see the best in him. It's the part of you that remembers the good, that still loves him."

"Maybe." She wasn't sure about that. He was probably right. She didn't want to think about it. Sharon didn't want to imagine that she would continue allowing herself to be injured by Jack's lack of caring. Not when she had this. As he said, there was a lot of history. Perhaps it was unavoidable. "I was six months pregnant. We named her because we had to bury her. There was nothing overly traumatic that caused it. Life just doesn't always unfold in the way that we would like or expect. It wasn't the cause of the breakup of our marriage. Jack didn't start drinking because of it. All of those things were already happening when I got pregnant. It was just not meant to be. What bothers me about it is that he brought it up here, in front of the kids. That he used that moment in our lives to try and make Rusty doubt his place in this family."

Andy drew back. He tipped her chin up and gazed down into her eyes. It was anger that he found there, that had her voice quivering. "Don't, he isn't worth it. Rusty knows where he stands with you. Whatever Jack tried to do, it didn't work. Don't give him a second of this. It's over now, Sharon. He's gone. Your kids know that they have you. They know that you love them. Don't waste your anger on him."

"So then," her lips quirked toward a small smile. "The next time he pushes your buttons and your temper starts to slip, I should tell you that he isn't worth your anger?"

"Hell no." Andy grinned. "You stand out of the way and let me pop the bastard." He pulled her back against him, let his lips brush hers. "There's a double standard. Your job is to be cool, calm and collected. I'm the hot-tempered idiot in this relationship, remember?"

"Oh yes." Her eyes lit up. "How could I forget. Remind me of that the next time the opportunity arises. I might just be tempted to let you have your way."

That would never happen. Andy laughed. "Believe me, I will." It was nice to picture, especially after the day they'd had. "Come on."

He drew her out of the kitchen with him. He kept an arm around her as they moved into the living room. At the sofa, Andy took a seat and drew her with him. He pulled her legs over his lap and pushed her heels off her feet. In the corner, the Christmas tree still glowed happily. While his hands stroked down her calves toward her ankles, Andy glanced at her. "You told Taylor about this?" He was surprised earlier, but wouldn't show that in front of Jack.

"Of course." Sharon settled sideways on the sofa and smiled at him. She rested her head against the back of the sofa and curled both of her arms around his. "I don't want anyone to have any doubt that this is important to me. My kids, Jack, Taylor, it doesn't matter who it is. This relationship is no less important to me in front of any of them. You are important to me. I want it, and I want you, and I'm not going to deny it to anyone. Least of all Taylor. You do a lot for me, everyday Andy, even without realizing. What kind of partner would I be if I didn't at least do my part to facilitate all of this?"

He smiled, let his attention fall to rubbing her ankles, then her feet. "I guess I just didn't expect you to do that so soon. I thought maybe you'd wait, see what happens. If this is moving too fast for you—"

"It's not." She leaned toward him. Her hand moved into his hair. Her fingers combed through the shortly cropped silver locks. "I think it's moving at exactly the pace that it is supposed to. Andy, the response that I got from Chief Taylor was _No kidding_. As if he was waiting for me to say something all this time. I imagine it's the same response that you'll get from Lieutenant Provenza when you tell him." Sharon shook her head at him and shrugged. She smiled warmly, eyes alight with affection and love. "We might have gotten here a little sooner than we would have if left to our own devices, but we're here now. We can thank Rusty and Nicole for that much. It was alway going to happen, I understand that now. I was already in love with you, I just wasn't ready to see it. You stopped being just a friend a while ago."

His hand moved up her leg, over her knee. Andy looked at her. His voice was thick. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I told myself not to. You really are a force of nature, you know? You swept right in and I was done. I just didn't think you needed me."

"I always need you." She leaned closer, let her lips brush the corner of his mouth. "More importantly, I always want you." It went well beyond desire. It was knowing that he was nearby, it was the feel of his hand, a shared look. It was knowing that if she fell, he would be there to lift her up again. It was knowing that when he was adrift, he would look to her, that he trusted her every bit as much as she trusted him. She called herself his partner, and that was truly how she thought of them. Partners, lovers, friends. "Our first Christmas together, the year that we were married, I tried to imagine what Jack and I would be like in thirty years," she said quietly. "I have waited my entire adult life to understand what it feels like to sit alongside my other half and know that I am loved. It isn't the life that I imagined then, but I was only a girl. I'm glad that it's you, and I'm glad that it's us, and whatever else happens, _that_ is what I need."

Andy stared at her for several moments. She had rendered him speechless. At last he reached for her and pulled her into his lap. His arms settled around her as he cradled her close. His lips moved against her hair. "You always amaze me," he said. "Doesn't matter what it is, just a day at the office or moments like this, but you blow me away. I don't know how I'm ever going to deserve you, but I'm going to love you every day."

Her face turned into his neck. Her lips were gentle. "You see me," she murmured. "That's all you've ever done. It's all you ever need to do. That is more than enough. It's everything. It's a better gift than any I could have asked for."

Light was dancing softly in the room. The candles, half burned away now, continued to flicker with a soft, warm glow. Curled together on the sofa, they let the rest of the world fall away. They were left with only the sparkling lights of the tree, the warmth of a shared embrace, and a love that was worth holding on to.

* * *

><p>~<em>FIN<em>


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